Of Self-Doubt and Insecurity

Every once in a while, you come across a story or an event or a commercial or whathaveyou wherein you realize someone has taken an idea you once had and run with it. Not that they stole it or anything like that. No... they just happened to think of the same thing, and instead of sitting on their hands or putting it off another day or believing it's too silly to pursue or having an attack of insecurity and self-doubt - they just did it.

In this case, it was an idea of my husband's. He had talked a year or two ago about developing a CD of songs for each president - an idea which was linked to the play we co-wrote with some other friends back in 2002 while with The Neo-Futurists in which we wrote a short play for each of the presidents (43 Plays For 43 Presidents... I've mentioned it before).

Today I was driving home and caught a story on NPR about a trio of musicians who had the exact same idea - and have recently released a series of songs... one for each president this country has ever had. The album is called Of Great and Mortal Men.

What was sort of funny was they went about the writing in much the same way we did the plays: dividing them up evenly and making sure each person had a relatively balanced mix of the well-known and obscure.

I have ruined my potential Christmas present to Andy by writing about this, because he was putting in some fencing in the backyard when this story was on. But it seemed worth mentioning... primarily because it connects to something he and I both struggle with in multiple aspects of our lives: self-doubt, low self-esteem, and the many ways in which that hinders our creative, interpersonal, and career pursuits.

I'm not sure why we doubt ourselves. I'm not sure what makes some people feel they can conquer anything and some too afraid to move. Whatever the reason, we're on the doubting end fo the continuum... certainly not so low in confidence we are unable to find/create/enjoy successes in our lives. But we let a lot of good ideas die.

At least in this case, it seems the folks who made the dream a reality did a really good job at it. I look forward to hearing the rest of the album some time.

(this is not a dress rehearsal, you know)

I saw the matinee performance of 43 Plays For 43 Presidents today. It was a lovely production, and it was great to see all the great changes they made. I think we always wished we could mount it with a larger budget - allowing us to do more with it. So it was extremely gratifying to see it produced with such support and thoughtfulness... and so wonderful to get to meet everyone behind (and in) the show who so clearly have put their full energy into this production. Nice people with good hearts and great ideas.

One thing The Actors Theatre has been able to do that we had talked about but never were able to accomplish is to set aside several shows specifically for school-aged audiences - complete with materials designed to encourage study and discussion in the classroom before and after the show. It really is such a great piece of edu-tainment... it's so cool to see a theatre take that opportunity and run with it so thoroughly.

It was also very odd to come see it in the capacity of one of the playwrights. Someone said to me and Andy, "You're celebrities here." Which was so very, very, very odd. I don't feel like a celebrity. My life right now, and the path I'm currently on, is even so far away from theatre and the arts as to make this whole experience somewhat surreal (albeit wonderful).

And so I will finish this blog, having put the little one to bed, and then turn my attention to my homework - which is all about quantitative and qualitative research and the context of my current school counseling internship. Sometimes it's confusing to have so many hats that fit just fine. It makes deciding what to wear a little tricky. But I suppose that's not a bad conundrum to have.

Still Dreaming...

I must admit I've gotten sucked into the coverage of the DNC convention in Denver. I blame my husband, who is a staunch and nearly-giddy Obama supporter... and a true political nut on top of it. (Hence, the creation of his brainchild, 43 Plays For 43 Presidents... which, oddly enough, is going to be produced at the Actors Theatre of Louisville next month.)

Anyway... I was so inspired and floored by Al Gore's speech tonight (and so surprised and miffed at the lack of conversation about it among the pundits covering the convention on CNN) that I had to make it today's joy.

Now, mind you, it is tempered with sadness (all over again) about the outcome of the 2000 election... and anger at how the results were bungled and, one might say, unfairly and somewhat questionably coerced to proclaim Bush the winner... along with a deep regret that this man - this brilliant, passionate, dedicated statesman - will never be our president. (And, by the way, for a stunning bit of deja vu, check out the details of the Tilden-Hayes contest.)

BUT... it was a stunning speech and it brought me great hope and happiness to hear it. I know some people think he's a crackpot, and some people think global warming is a fallacy, but I think the naysayers are in for a bumpy ride over the next 4-5 years or so. But hey - maybe I'm wrong. I certainly hope so.

All I can say is: Yay Gore! You rock my world. (And you rocked the house tonight.)