Hello there. It feels a little strange to be writing this. Sort of like putting a message in a bottle and casting it off into a dark and shifty sea... not entirely sure where it will end up or if anyone will ever read it.
As much as I loved this project, it did not feel right to go back in and continue it - despite my having more free time now and a very different life than when I began this blog.
I have, however, started something new. Because I feel impelled to write. Because I still feel called to do something, in some form, in some way - something that connects to other people and somehow humanizes the journey we all take together but often feel so alone within.
If you would like to check it out, I'd love for you to see it. If you enjoy it, please read it. It will not be daily... but it will be often. My mind is a-hoppin' as my grandmother might say.
Love to you and peace to you... wherever this may find you.
Showing posts with label called. Show all posts
Showing posts with label called. Show all posts
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Wrong Number?
I have been thinking a lot in the last few days about the situation that led me to start this blog in the first place: feeling called to pursue the ministry - specifically, as a Unitarian Universalist minister.
How do you know if you've been called? What does it feel like? What happens if you ignore it? Or think you were called but you weren't? Or were but just felt like it was really bad timing?
Another woman at my church, when I told her I had felt called one day during services at the Fellowship, said, "What did it feel like?" She said she asked because she had also felt called and yet wasn't sure she had interpreted it correctly. So she wanted to sort of compare experiences or hear what mine had been in order to contextualize her own.
My guess is, everyone has a different story. While they may have similarities (like so many religions), every person's experience will be affected by his or her filters, perceptions, beliefs, expectations, and interpretations... leading to a myriad of strikingly different but no less valid events leading to a shared conclusion.
And then there are people like me, who know they felt something (maybe even felt it was undeniable), and then rationally look at the prospect of following such a path and find it riddled with complexities and challenges. Not a bad thing, but definitely a harder thing.
My friend who is a pastor described her experience as hearing God directly communicating to her and telling her to go into the ministry. I would have to say, my experience contained no direct talking, no clear detailed instructions, and no sense that any one entity was singling me out and pointing with a divine finger toward a new and spiritually-laden horizon.
Instead, it felt more like an epiphany... an ah ha moment wherein so many heretofore disconnected and seemingly disjointed pieces of my life suddenly settled into a clear and beautiful picture wherein I could see myself... see myself... true and clear and defined and being.
Then my minister recommended I pursue anything else that might make me happy, my husband and I really sat down and looked at the numbers, and my daughter got to an age I knew I would painfully regret missing if I were engaged in pursuits that took me away from her for several more years of schooling.
Add in the fact that we do not attend church every week, I don't read every Unitarian Universalist piece of literature I can get my hands on, I score highest on Lifestyle when taking any kind of values inventory, and I left theatre because I was sick of working nights and weekends... and I'm left wondering if it's okay to pick up the phone, have a short conversation, and then pretend like you aren't home.
How do you know if you've been called? What does it feel like? What happens if you ignore it? Or think you were called but you weren't? Or were but just felt like it was really bad timing?
Another woman at my church, when I told her I had felt called one day during services at the Fellowship, said, "What did it feel like?" She said she asked because she had also felt called and yet wasn't sure she had interpreted it correctly. So she wanted to sort of compare experiences or hear what mine had been in order to contextualize her own.
My guess is, everyone has a different story. While they may have similarities (like so many religions), every person's experience will be affected by his or her filters, perceptions, beliefs, expectations, and interpretations... leading to a myriad of strikingly different but no less valid events leading to a shared conclusion.
And then there are people like me, who know they felt something (maybe even felt it was undeniable), and then rationally look at the prospect of following such a path and find it riddled with complexities and challenges. Not a bad thing, but definitely a harder thing.
My friend who is a pastor described her experience as hearing God directly communicating to her and telling her to go into the ministry. I would have to say, my experience contained no direct talking, no clear detailed instructions, and no sense that any one entity was singling me out and pointing with a divine finger toward a new and spiritually-laden horizon.
Instead, it felt more like an epiphany... an ah ha moment wherein so many heretofore disconnected and seemingly disjointed pieces of my life suddenly settled into a clear and beautiful picture wherein I could see myself... see myself... true and clear and defined and being.
Then my minister recommended I pursue anything else that might make me happy, my husband and I really sat down and looked at the numbers, and my daughter got to an age I knew I would painfully regret missing if I were engaged in pursuits that took me away from her for several more years of schooling.
Add in the fact that we do not attend church every week, I don't read every Unitarian Universalist piece of literature I can get my hands on, I score highest on Lifestyle when taking any kind of values inventory, and I left theatre because I was sick of working nights and weekends... and I'm left wondering if it's okay to pick up the phone, have a short conversation, and then pretend like you aren't home.
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