Looking for the Lesson, Finding the Opportunity

Somewhere around 6:30am today I realized half my back left molar was missing. I have no idea when or how it happened, nor am I entirely sure what in the world made half my tooth disappear. It made for an odd morning and stressful day, particularly since the university is on vacation and the only people who take my coverage are located... at the university.

So... here's hoping I can get it fixed tomorrow, that I am not making it worse by continuing to eat or drink periodically, and that it does not get any more painful in the meantime.

I have been wondering all day what opportunity was provided in my little dental mishap. I think it's provided several avenues for reflection and mindfulness. First, I take my teeth for granted. I have not taken care of them since I became pregnant (which is a big no-no), and I should know better. Especially since my grandmother had tons of problems with hers and those sorts of things tend to be genetic.

Second, this is a tiny thing to be worried about, discomforted by, or fixated upon. There are so many things going on right now that merit greater focus and compassion on the continuum of suffering than my minor tooth problems. It's sometimes helpful to have something like this happen simply to put all the other things I am not having to live through put into perspective.

Even with my insurance woes and absolute ire (I could truly launch into a diatribe at any moment), it is nothing compared to what so many are dealing with at this very moment. Tiny. Tiny.

I guess third and finally, although in most moments I feel predominantly saddened, my current backaches, tooth aches, head aches, and eye strain all remind me I am human. Fragilely, frailly human. And there is beauty and purpose even in that... though some days it is hard to embrace it.

Three Things You Don't Really Want to Hear Following Surgery for a Detached Retina

#1
Of course, it's unlikely you'll get back to 20/20. But at least we caught it in time to prevent total loss.

I suppose this one should not have suprised me so much. I mean... before my follow up appointment with the surgeon, I was convinced I was going to be severely visually impaired in my right eye. So really, I shouldn't complain that my sight cannot be perfect again with corrective lenses. After all, I'm so nearsighted, some optometrists were amazed I could get to 20/20 with contacts.

But... it was a bit of a blow. Emotionally I suppose. I think to hear again that I was not out of the woods, that my life could still be very strongly impacted by this event, that I might not be able to see any better than I do one week post-surgery - it took me by surprise.

That said, I am still eternally grateful they caught the detached retina in time to prevent damage to the macula, that they were able to fit me in with a surgeon who is one of the best retina specialists in the area, that my friend Becky was able to drive me up and let me crash at her family's house... and they were so sweet and took such good care of me, and that my eye has healed as well as it has. I can see so much more now than I could just a few days ago... and if they can get me close to 20/20, then I will hopefully be able to still drive. I have no idea what the rules are where that's concerned.

#2
It looks like you've got a frayed suture.

Ah ha! So that's why it feels like something is jabbing into my eye... because IT IS!!! Truly, the bad news was more that they could not fit me in to see a surgeon on staff until tomorrow afternoon - which means 24 more hours of jabby, stabby, twingy, stingy, itchy pain. Ugh.

The bright side? See the last paragraph of #1. I should not complain.

#3
Hospital OPS $13,520.61
Insurance Adjustment $0.00
Amount Owed by Patient $13,520.61

I think this one probably took the cake today. We got the bill for the surgery; luckily, I was able to speak to someone in billing who said no claim had been sent to the insurance company yet and that, based on what type we have (thank you AllKids), we aren't likely to owe anything.

(Of course, based on our past insurance insanity, I kept records of the time, the name of the person I spoke to, and the gist of the conversation. You can never be too careful!)

As in many instances in the past where large hospital bills have arrived in the mail, I cannot help but wonder and worry after all those without insurance. There are undoubtedly people out there who find themselves in the exact same situation I was in (you need emergency surgery in the next few hours or you will go blind), and they know doing what they must for their health will result in bankruptcy, hardship, and/or severe distress for their families.

That's no kind of choice.