So many mountain tops...

I heard a great interview on The State We're In this morning. The theme was "the right to refuse," and they did 3 stories focusing on various interpretations of that theme. The one I was able to hear all of (and was most interested in) was about Norrie May-Welby, who refuses to be classified as a specific gender.

Norrie's story is not entirely unusual... she was initially born as a boy and always felt more female; however, after the sex change operation, Norrie decided not to take hormones and therefore never developed breasts or fully eliminated certain traditionally male features, such as chest hair.

Now, Norrie considers herself about 60% female and 40% male, and prefers to be called she but does not truly identify with being completely female or male... and thus prefers to embrace the right to refuse classification.

It was an excellent interview because Norrie is incredibly articulate, self-reflective, and humorous. And so it was nice to hear from someone who struggles with and eschews gender-role stereotyping and is able to communicate the thought and feeling process behind it all so well.

I believe we have much more to learn and understand with regard to the differences and subtleties of sex, gender, orientation, and all the things connected to such elements of our identities. Gender-role expectations are powerful things, as is the socialization process based on cultural perceptions of who we are as male and female, how we choose to conduct ourselves, and who we love or are attracted to.

Perhaps one day we will embrace all the possibilities that exist within the human experience in terms of gender and sexuality (and, ultimately, identity)... if not openly, then at least without fear and hostility. Stories like this at least keep the dialogue going, and help to remind us to continually challenge our preconceptions, assumptions, and values so that we may ultimately treat everyone with the same level of compassion, dignity, and gentleness.

Inquisition

When did I get too old to go out and stand in a thunderstorm? Or stomp in puddles? Or lie in the grass?

How did I become so filled with self-doubt that the slightest question of my abilities leaves me wondering if I am somehow misperceiving my capacity to do well - as if I am somehow gravely off in my self-assessment?

Why did I start feeling so scared and worried all the time? About money? About violence? About unexpected and difficult events that smash into expectations and leave little broken pieces in their wake?

What is the balance between other and self? How do we form an identity based not only on our self-perception but also on the feedback we receive from others... to end up somewhere in between in a place approximating truth as best we are able with all our limitations and intricacies?

The trick lately, for me, is to remember who I am striving to become, who I have left behind, and who I already am... and to weave together a strong yet flexible self that is neither rigid nor tenuous in its final shape.