NOW

I have been thinking about resolutions a lot lately and the way we conceptualize the new year... the promise it holds, the demarkation of time and our sense of progress, the linear attempt to divide up the infinite of experience into bite-sized, knowable, and limitable chunks.

I always hated resolutions—thought they were silly and a waste of time. But now I find myself more taken with the idea... more drawn to the idea of a concerted and mindful effort toward self-improvement and spiritual/personal evolution.

What hit me this year is how silly it is to put such emphasis on a cathartic exploration and metaphorical rebirth on one tiny little date within the year. Why not allow renewal to happen all the time? At any moment? Why not sieze any and every opportunity to refresh, start anew, or head in a different direction?

If we allowed ourselves such flexibility in our resolution-making, our capacity for growth and adaptation would surely increase. The responsibility we hold in determining who we are (how we are, what we are, etc.) would also increase – which can be scary and daunting – but so would our freedom in defining our lives and charting a course through every up and down.

There is something beautiful in the limitless expanse of possibility that exists in every moment. Terrifying and beautiful and powerful and humbling all at once. Lately I've been thinking it might make more sense to embrace the multitude of so many chances to continually change than to allow myself to get stuck in a linear, mechanistic, or stasis-like sense of time.

Choice.
Perspective.
Change.
Acceptance.
Awareness.
Willingness.

And a resolution to allow such resolve to occur and re-occur every time/moment/now it is needed.

Resolutionish

The end of each year provides an opportunity to consider the year we are leaving behind and to reflect upon what we want to do better in the year ahead. Here are a few of my thoughts as 2008 ends and 2009 is about to begin.

I want to...

• Appreciate my husband more and to tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me more often.
• Let go of the sometime-frustration or upset that arises when spending time with Ari; she's only 2 and most of the time I'm the one being unreasonable in my expectations or limited in my patience. She is one of the most amazing beings ever... she deserves to be thoroughly valued and honored for her best qualities and forgiven the ones that pose more challenge.
• Get my house clean and organized! I am so tired of living with too much, living in a half-finished environment, and living in what feels like chaos. Although we are likely to be just as busy in 2009 as we were in 2008 (if not more so), we can still make a better dent than we are currently.
• Enjoy myself more, feel happier more often, and feel more gratitude. Being at peace and noticing the blessings in life is an active choice, and one that there is no reason to delay. I want to become better at this.
• Go greener. Improve our output in terms of what we generate and improve our intake in terms of what we bring into the house.
• Go more natural with our food. Eat more whole foods, organic foods, and healthy foods! Andy got me Super Natural Cooking for Christmas, and so I am very excited to redesign our pantry, and discover new ways of conceptualizing health, nutrition, and meal-making.
• Incorporate exercise in some fashion. I know it's way obvious to go this route on such a list, but it's applicable and appropriate for my life, so there ya go. (Lately, I've been thinking tai chi... so perhaps a do-at-home DVD would be a good start.)
• Communicate more with my friends and family... let them know how important they are to me and what they bring to my life. I think I tend to be an overly private and reserved person... and I know some of my struggles with intimacy and commitment can lead to less effusive expression despite very strong feelings I may hold for those most dear to me.
• Do something in 2009 that will positively impact society at large. I'm not sure yet what this will be... but I want to continue to find ways to impact others' lives in a constructive and beneficial way—whether on a big or small scale, recognized or anonymous. My goal is to increase my social action efforts.
• Invest more in my spiritual growth. I'm not sure if this means staying with the Unitarian Universalist church or branching out elsewhere to see if there is a better home for me. I know it means continuing to pray and define my relationship to prayer, as well as to meditate in a more intentional and dedicated way so that it becomes part of my daily routine. (I also got some way cool Buddhist-themed books from my family on Andy's side... so I am very excited to delve into those!)

May your 2009 be full of love, discovery, change, and peace.