Corps Philosophy

There was a story on NPR today that I think got a bunch of artists around the country all abuzz. Apparently, Obama has moved ahead on his plans to create an arts education initiative modeled after civil service organizations like the Peace Corps and AmeriCorps. A sort of Artist Corps. He's been looking at MusicianCorps, a program created by Kiff Gallagher, as a possible blueprint for a more comprehensive, government-run program.

It would be aimed at bringing professional artists into schools with little to no arts programming in order to provide a way for artists to give back to their communities and for children in our public schools to benefit from receiving arts instruction and being allowed to engage in creative exploration.

A win-win situation if you ask me. As someone who has dabbled in creating programming in similar areas, I think the idea of a national push to place more emphasis on creativity and knowledge of the arts in public schools would be truly phenomenal.

I know culturally, we like to focus on science and math and look at the nation's analytical skills and critical thinking capacity... and yes, there is something inherently creative in those pursuits... but my experience has been that the arts - like no other medium - enables a type of exploration that leads to expanded awareness of self and other, provides a language for communication that reaches across cultural and societal boundaries, and allows young people the opportunity to explore their personal context and narrative in order to reframe their conceptualization of themselves, their spirituality, their future orientation, and much more.

Art is transformative. It is political, social, cultural, and personal. It makes us think, makes us feel, and sometimes even makes us question our connection to the universe and the divine.

The fact that President-Elect Obama and his transition team are kicking around this idea and seriously considering creating a program wherein such learning might again become a part of a child's weekly routine is extremely exciting. A biased perspective, to be sure, but I consider it a heroic and beautiful dream that could forever alter the landscape of the collective consciousness for generations to come.

Ego, Egads! (an embarrassing confession)

I am struggling with envy of late. Envy and ego swirled together like a hard candy found in cupboards of little old ladies who still dress up on Sunday.

I spoke with my brother the other day, and he told me about all the amazing things he's doing, how well the show is going, how much he loves Sydney, etc. And don't get me wrong... I LOOOOVE my brother and I am so, so, so very proud of him for pushing toward his dreams with full strength and actually reaching them. It's amazing.

But there is a part of me, every single time, that starts to jabber away about how I gave up... about how my life is not exciting or filled with trips to other countries or amazing, beautiful dreamlike creativity. About how Andy and I struggle to make ends meet even though we're in our mid-30s and we still express discontentment and extreme confusion as to what we want to be when we grow up.

And we are still not sure if we have grown up, or are grown ups.
(I suppose if you have to ponder and ask, then the answer is no.)

I miss my artistic life, but I also remember how bad the fit was when we finally left and went in search of a new direction in order to fashion a different life. But I often feel my family is more impressed with his successes than mine, and I often wonder what would have happened if I had been more confident and less apologetic in my pursuit of an artistic career.

And so here I am, struggling to live in the now, except that the now contains jealousy and self-upbraiding... and a small little whisper of failure in the back of the throat and the pit of the stomach.

I don't know many people who have achieved their dream. My brother is one, which makes him incredibly special (and it helps that he's generous, funny, easygoing, and insatiably curious to boot). I think much of my dis-ease comes from not entirely knowing what my dream is.

So today I wander, a little lost, and still quite grateful - but doggedly looking for an answer to a question I still don't know how to ask.

Ugh

This is the first time, though I'm sure it won't be the final time, I am experiencing a severe lack of creativity. I feel pretty sapped... and have been staring at the screen for about 40 minutes with no idea what to write. Or rather, no good ideas.

I'm not sure to what I should attribute this dearth of ingenuity. Could be a lack of consistent sleep at the moment, or a too-late night of reading with no time for vegging out or relaxing after a long day of terrible two-ness and being stuck at the house nearly all day.

Whatever the reason, I must honored my frayed and muddled head and acknowledge my inability to think of anything valuable to say at present.

May you sleep well, dream well, wake well, live well, and be at peace.

Riches: A Reconceptualization

My cousin Wendell has been in the hospital this week. Actually, he's my mother's cousin... so I always forget what that makes me... first cousin once removed or second cousin or what?

Whatever our relation, I am very, very fond of him. He's an amazing man who taught me two very important lessons (just through the simple act of being himself).

1. Go for substance, not shine.

I had spent a lot of time chasing after pretty men who talked a good game and had everyone charmed but accomplished little in the way of true passion or character. Wendell opened my eyes to a new type of partner - his marriage with Pru to a new type of partnership. I wanted someone intelligent, interesting, sincere, and gentle. Which meant going for the unusual rather than the usual... or at least, what was my usual.

2. There is great beauty and dignity in a simple life.

Wendell helped to shape my own understanding of myself and what I wanted out of life. Hearing his stories of working in wildlife management, his tales of his and Pru's first several years together, remembrances of his time in the navy, and his overwhelming passion for (and knowledge of) history, antiques, and music changed the way I understood the concept of success. I began to realize creativity does not have to be on a public scale in order to be fulfilling... it's possible to balance a job you love with a family you commit to and still find time and energy for outlets that are equal parts rejuvenating and relaxing. Taking a genuine interest in the people and world around you can provide endless opportunities for personal growth and satisfaction... and it has nothing to do with fame or fortune.

Wendell has a surgery scheduled for tomorrow morning, and then possibly another later in the week. I am praying for success in each so that these steps may lead to several more years in which he can spend quality time with all of us.

I know none of us is ready to let him go just yet.