Flashy Floaty (Silly) Owie

I've had ocassion in the last few weeks to run into people who have not seen me in a while and inquire as to how my eyes are doing. It's interesting primarily because I have finally gotten to the point where I do not think about my eyes all the time every day. I have kind of forgotten - at least in small to largish spurts throughout the day - that anything ever happened, that I could have gone blind, that there is still the possibility my left retina could detach some time in the future, that this is the reason (though not the sole reason) Andy and I feel another pregnancy would be a bad idea.

Yet, those worries are not entirely erased due to an increase in severe headaches for the last 2-3 weeks. I'm not sure if it's my new contacts or something to be worried about with my eyes... or maybe just spending too much time in front of the computer. Hard to say.

What I can say is that I've noticed something in the wake of this event, which is my own ego and vanity. Despite the headaches and a sneaking suspicion my new lens is too overcorrected for astigmatism (the optometrist said it shouldn't matter), I have continued to wear them somewhat stubbornly because I feel more like myself with them in.

I'm not sure I can explain what that means, exactly. Just that the self I imagine... the self I am used to... the pre-pregnancy and pre-retinal-detachment self... the 20 pounds thinner, strong, sexy, independent, unafraid self... she has contacts. She can wear sunglasses and does not feel hidden behind thick, heavy lenses that smack of middle school and years long forgotten.

So... here I am somewhere between legitimate practicality and downright vanity. My eyes are bad, my glasses are heavy, and they give me headaches to wear them. But so do the contacts at this moment, and the only reason I persist in wearing them in spite of a gut-based sense they are slightly "off" is ego, ego, ego.

I wish I had a wise lesson or enlightened insight to share as a result of all this thinking. But perhaps my awareness of frailty and imperfection is enough. Maybe there's purpose in recognition and solidarity as we acknowledge our faults - or collective strength in saying them aloud - whatever the context might be.

Update:JOY/Update:SORROW

Today merits two updates... one a joy, one a sorrow. One personal, one global.

JOY
Update number one has to do with my surgery... I saw the surgeon today, and he said there is no retinal fold, rather the dark area I am seeing is the gas bubble, which should decrease in size over time. He said all looks good, and he expects everything to heal pretty well over the next 3-4 weeks. I see him again at the end of May and, assuming no more work is needed on the right eye, we'll schedule an appointment for the left eye, which he thinks can probably be done in the office. All very good news.

As I told my loved ones, I won't feel 100% relaxed until it's all over and done with, because I have heard from many people that multiple surgeries are often necessary. But it was quite relieving to hear all looks good and that he expects the recovery process to go well.

SORROW
Perhaps you've been following the story already, but the death toll in Myanmar is now up to at least 22,000, with over 40,000 people still missing. This is the greatest impact a natural disaster has had in Southeast Asia since the tsunami in 2004.

In an effort to be proactive (and to tilt at some windmills - see yesterday's post), here is information for providing aid to the region, should you feel so inclined:

http://www.google.com/myanmarcyclone/