Too Soon

Andy heard from a friend today who unexpectedly lost her father. She is our age, and so it was an early death. It is sad news, and what is even more sad is how many very close friends we have who have lost at least one parent at what would be considered a young age.

I know these losses have been truly painful and continue to leave an empty, sad space for so many. It is very difficult to imagine what it must be like... I don't think I really can. I just know there is an ache in their words sometimes... a deep and raw sadness that they touch on in certain moments. I think that is often the nature of grief—the loss becomes a part of who you are for the rest of your life.

For those struggling with such a sadness, may your heart feel lighter, your memories sustain you, and your suffering ease over time.

Black Friday

It was stunning this morning to start our day hearing news that the persons responsible for the attacks in Mumbai had not yet been stopped. The news of such a terrible event on a holiday like Thanksgiving was very sad, and even sadder was the news today of the many lives lost in the last three days.

Then we heard about the two people killed by a gunman in Toys R Us, and the worker trampled to death in Wal-Mart. And I know hundreds of thousands of people die daily and that it's very dangerous to shape one's worldview based upon the inevitably biased reporting of what is determined news by any given media outlet.

But still... it was hard not to think WTF, and I have definitely been struggling to not become completely discouraged and disheartened. Ironically, we watched CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute last night. So odd to have two days dichotomously filled with some of the worst and best acts of humanity.

I guess where I have ultimately ended up today is trying to think about my impact on the world and what it means to balance the Christian principal to treat others as I might want to be treated; the Democratic philosophy that we all deserve respect and dignity, which means treating all others as my equal; the Buddhist concept of suffering and what it means to work toward the elimination of suffering in the world--to strive for enlightenment and peace within myself in order to aide the peace of others; and the Unitarian Universalist tradition of social action, human justice, and a creedal foundation of compassion and activity.

Although I believe I have made choices and put forth changes in my life that moves toward the direction of these ideals, I do believe there is still more I can do. And so... today has reminded me of the importance of remaining mindful, while also taking steps to bring thought and word to eventual action.

Impossibility

The story that caught my ear this morning on NPR was about the cyclone that hit Myanmar on Saturday. The death toll is expected to reach at least 10,000, and there are thousands of people with no homes, no place to go, and in danger of getting sick (or worse) due to contaminated drinking water.

Sometimes you'll hear people remark that things could always be worse... that there are always people who are worse off than you are - the logic being that you should therefore count your blessings and stop your grousing about your own discomfort or sorrow.

I prefer to reframe it a bit: There are always people out there who could use some prayers (blessings, good thoughts, good energy) as much or more than you can. There are always people in need of help, compassion, love, and good will - whatever spirit you are able to give them.

There really is so much suffering in the world, it is sometimes staggering to take in. And when a disaster like this occurs, it's overwhelming to realize how many individual lives will be forever changed by one crisis.

I see "elimination of all suffering" as an impossible task. Which does not mean is should not be attempted - quite the opposite. I think it's very important. Important to ruminate and meditate upon, important to discuss with one another and make part of a larger social discussion and collective consciousness, important to attempt throughout our lives in whatever way we can.

Sometimes impossible tasks are necessary. Cervantes called it tilting at windmills, the Buddhists call it enlightenment, and UUs have woven it into their seven principles, seeing it as inherently connected to broader human goals serving as a promise to all people.

To me, faith, belief, hope, and love are all tied to impossibility. They are all celebrations of finding possibility where none seemed to exist... particularly in the midst of suffering.

Suffering, compassion, and the power of expression

The Buddhists believe suffering is an inevitable part of life. Different braches of Buddhism seek to address that suffering in different ways, but all three incorporate concepts of compassion and detachment as methods to alleviate suffering.

Of course... we all define suffering differently. But one thing that really stood out for me this weekend is we all do indeed have something going on which we might term as pain, sadness, loss, anxiety, insecurity, or disappointment. Suffering. And... one of the things that seems to be effective for a lot of Westerners is to have a space or time within which we can speak freely about that suffering and share our story with other people.

It's the basis of therapy or counseling. Having someone who can actively listen to your story can be very powerful. And sometimes simply sharing your story... saying things out loud, naming your suffering, and letting it transition from thoughts and feelings living alone in you to an articulated concept and inner life made tangible through language can lessen its power over you.

It's as if we remove the option of remaining hidden - even from ourselves. By speaking suffering aloud, you share the burden of that suffering and place it into a larger context from which perspective is possible.

Suffering can be short and simple, complex and lengthy, or anything in between. It is as changeable and impermanent as all other things in life... but it can often feel as if we are stuck inside of it or trapped by it and cannot see a clear way out.

I think sometimes it is easy to remember to practice compassion for others - to provide a source of love and understanding to help ease another's distress. It is sometimes harder to remember to be compassionate with ourselves. To encounter fear or insecurity with kindness and gentleness, to respond to anxiety or pain with attention and calm, to treat depression or grief with patience and understanding.

To be positive in our attitude, long-viewed in our perspective, and tender in our approach. Even - and perhaps especially - with ourselves.