It was stunning this morning to start our day hearing news that the persons responsible for the attacks in Mumbai had not yet been stopped. The news of such a terrible event on a holiday like Thanksgiving was very sad, and even sadder was the news today of the many lives lost in the last three days.
Then we heard about the two people killed by a gunman in Toys R Us, and the worker trampled to death in Wal-Mart. And I know hundreds of thousands of people die daily and that it's very dangerous to shape one's worldview based upon the inevitably biased reporting of what is determined news by any given media outlet.
But still... it was hard not to think WTF, and I have definitely been struggling to not become completely discouraged and disheartened. Ironically, we watched CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute last night. So odd to have two days dichotomously filled with some of the worst and best acts of humanity.
I guess where I have ultimately ended up today is trying to think about my impact on the world and what it means to balance the Christian principal to treat others as I might want to be treated; the Democratic philosophy that we all deserve respect and dignity, which means treating all others as my equal; the Buddhist concept of suffering and what it means to work toward the elimination of suffering in the world--to strive for enlightenment and peace within myself in order to aide the peace of others; and the Unitarian Universalist tradition of social action, human justice, and a creedal foundation of compassion and activity.
Although I believe I have made choices and put forth changes in my life that moves toward the direction of these ideals, I do believe there is still more I can do. And so... today has reminded me of the importance of remaining mindful, while also taking steps to bring thought and word to eventual action.
Showing posts with label compassion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label compassion. Show all posts
Friday, November 28, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
The Pain Game
I can't remember if I've already written about this, but it keeps coming up lately, so forgive me if I'm being repetitive. One of my favorite instructors, Dr. Asner-Self, said something during our multicultural counseling class last summer that has stuck with me like glue and has provided a resounding echo that seems to follow me around in the many contexts in which I operate: student, mother, friend, colleague, counselor, etc.
Essentially, what she said was there is no point to comparing pain with other people. No point in comparing yours to someone else's - or even in comparing one person's pain to another's (friends, family members, coworkers). There is truly no benefit in engaging in such an activity.
It's important in the context of counseling because if you get caught up comparing your own hurts or tragedies to those of your client (be it openly or internally), you are no longer fully able to remain objectively open to helping that person. You end up putting yourself in a competitive rather than collaborative relationship... and your capacity for empathy and a nonjudgmental attitude is severely diminished.
But in a more general sense, I've begun to realize it is just as harmful in an everyday, regular, fellow-human-being context... because it's all relative - and one person's pain is another person's walk in the park. The important part is to recognize we all hurt... we all grieve... we all struggle... and we are all capable of good days and bad days.
Keeping this in mind has helped me identify ways to practice more compassion on a daily basis. To always remember that when most people share their pain (no matter where I might put it on my own continuum or understanding of sorrow), it is in an effort to connect, to be heard, to feel understood, and to be received with love.
To me, compassion is the process of providing that response - and it is a challenge worth posing to myself on a continual basis.
Essentially, what she said was there is no point to comparing pain with other people. No point in comparing yours to someone else's - or even in comparing one person's pain to another's (friends, family members, coworkers). There is truly no benefit in engaging in such an activity.
It's important in the context of counseling because if you get caught up comparing your own hurts or tragedies to those of your client (be it openly or internally), you are no longer fully able to remain objectively open to helping that person. You end up putting yourself in a competitive rather than collaborative relationship... and your capacity for empathy and a nonjudgmental attitude is severely diminished.
But in a more general sense, I've begun to realize it is just as harmful in an everyday, regular, fellow-human-being context... because it's all relative - and one person's pain is another person's walk in the park. The important part is to recognize we all hurt... we all grieve... we all struggle... and we are all capable of good days and bad days.
Keeping this in mind has helped me identify ways to practice more compassion on a daily basis. To always remember that when most people share their pain (no matter where I might put it on my own continuum or understanding of sorrow), it is in an effort to connect, to be heard, to feel understood, and to be received with love.
To me, compassion is the process of providing that response - and it is a challenge worth posing to myself on a continual basis.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Huh.
I wonder sometimes if most nearly anything we would label as a negative reaction or emotion or response (e.g., anger, violence, depression, fear, withdrawal, etc.) is essentially connected to an unending sense/search for love and acceptance.
Is it possible "ugly" behavior is ultimately rooted in a perceived lack of acceptance? If one were to seek the primary emotion below the secondary reactions rooted in defensiveness or offensiveness (i.e., the feeling one must take the offensive in order to avoid being hurt, damaged, etc.), would it somehow exist as a foundational need that is simultaneously emotional and spiritual... something that transcends physical or intellectual yearnings. Something basic, primal, but ultimately human... a search for connection, for belonging, for meaning.
I believe the struggle to feel valued, above all, may inherently be present for all of us. This may segue into attachment theory and the Adlerian concept of social interest. But I also think there is something deeply embedded within the source of our living - be it a soul, or a spark, or a breath.
For who does not wish to be seen? And upon being seen to be understood... and upon being understood to be welcomed? If we all believed, without question, we held value and worth, as did everyone around us... how might that change our interactions?
Perhaps compassion is the act of embracing such a belief and holding onto it with unshakable faith.
Is it possible "ugly" behavior is ultimately rooted in a perceived lack of acceptance? If one were to seek the primary emotion below the secondary reactions rooted in defensiveness or offensiveness (i.e., the feeling one must take the offensive in order to avoid being hurt, damaged, etc.), would it somehow exist as a foundational need that is simultaneously emotional and spiritual... something that transcends physical or intellectual yearnings. Something basic, primal, but ultimately human... a search for connection, for belonging, for meaning.
I believe the struggle to feel valued, above all, may inherently be present for all of us. This may segue into attachment theory and the Adlerian concept of social interest. But I also think there is something deeply embedded within the source of our living - be it a soul, or a spark, or a breath.
For who does not wish to be seen? And upon being seen to be understood... and upon being understood to be welcomed? If we all believed, without question, we held value and worth, as did everyone around us... how might that change our interactions?
Perhaps compassion is the act of embracing such a belief and holding onto it with unshakable faith.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
a.m. gift
This morning's Speaking of Faith featured the life and work of Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel. If you missed it, I highly recommend checking it out - they've got a podcast you can download if you don't get the program on your local public radio station.
I knew nothing of Heschel prior to hearing the program, so I found it quite fascinating. He worked closely with Martin Luther King, Jr. on the civil rights movement, protested the war in Vietnam from a religious standpoint, and worked to foster cooperation and understanding among different faiths by highlighting their commonalities and emphasizing the call of any individual linked to the divine to ultimately do his or her best to serve humanity.
His social advocacy efforts and perspective on prayer, faith, and one's relationship to God spoke very directly to me and my own spiritual journey and questions. I think his take on Judaism and religion in general seem to sync up with my take on Unitarian Universalism and the humanist aspect of that faith.
As a mystic, transcendental poet, and activist, he strikes me as an enlightened guy - and he certainly has been heralded by some as a prophet. It made me realize I know very little about prophets or enlightened teachers from multiple faiths; it's something I'd like to learn more about in the coming years.
Such men and women inspire me to be a better person. To seek, live, and offer the divine in my own living. To advocate for others, be an agent of change, serve my fellow humans in whatever way I can, and strive toward compassion and love for everyone I meet.
Not that I come even close on most days... but I believe there is merit in the effort, beauty in the pursuit, and purpose in the goal.
I knew nothing of Heschel prior to hearing the program, so I found it quite fascinating. He worked closely with Martin Luther King, Jr. on the civil rights movement, protested the war in Vietnam from a religious standpoint, and worked to foster cooperation and understanding among different faiths by highlighting their commonalities and emphasizing the call of any individual linked to the divine to ultimately do his or her best to serve humanity.
His social advocacy efforts and perspective on prayer, faith, and one's relationship to God spoke very directly to me and my own spiritual journey and questions. I think his take on Judaism and religion in general seem to sync up with my take on Unitarian Universalism and the humanist aspect of that faith.
As a mystic, transcendental poet, and activist, he strikes me as an enlightened guy - and he certainly has been heralded by some as a prophet. It made me realize I know very little about prophets or enlightened teachers from multiple faiths; it's something I'd like to learn more about in the coming years.
Such men and women inspire me to be a better person. To seek, live, and offer the divine in my own living. To advocate for others, be an agent of change, serve my fellow humans in whatever way I can, and strive toward compassion and love for everyone I meet.
Not that I come even close on most days... but I believe there is merit in the effort, beauty in the pursuit, and purpose in the goal.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
(instead of a bad haiku)
For the past four days, I've been trying to get out a poem about the rescue workers in China who were lost in mudslides. But it just won't come.
It reminds me of the firefighters who worked the Twin Towers on 9/11. Or those who fought to save one another as they watched the water rise in New Orleans.
We see so many examples of compassion and sacrifice throughout religious and spiritual teachings, but it can be so much more significant and affecting to see such acts within the realm of human experience. I feel blessed by such tremendous acts of courage and reminded of the incredible strength and generosity people are capable of in times requiring heroes.
It reminds me of the firefighters who worked the Twin Towers on 9/11. Or those who fought to save one another as they watched the water rise in New Orleans.
We see so many examples of compassion and sacrifice throughout religious and spiritual teachings, but it can be so much more significant and affecting to see such acts within the realm of human experience. I feel blessed by such tremendous acts of courage and reminded of the incredible strength and generosity people are capable of in times requiring heroes.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Suffering, compassion, and the power of expression
The Buddhists believe suffering is an inevitable part of life. Different braches of Buddhism seek to address that suffering in different ways, but all three incorporate concepts of compassion and detachment as methods to alleviate suffering.
Of course... we all define suffering differently. But one thing that really stood out for me this weekend is we all do indeed have something going on which we might term as pain, sadness, loss, anxiety, insecurity, or disappointment. Suffering. And... one of the things that seems to be effective for a lot of Westerners is to have a space or time within which we can speak freely about that suffering and share our story with other people.
It's the basis of therapy or counseling. Having someone who can actively listen to your story can be very powerful. And sometimes simply sharing your story... saying things out loud, naming your suffering, and letting it transition from thoughts and feelings living alone in you to an articulated concept and inner life made tangible through language can lessen its power over you.
It's as if we remove the option of remaining hidden - even from ourselves. By speaking suffering aloud, you share the burden of that suffering and place it into a larger context from which perspective is possible.
Suffering can be short and simple, complex and lengthy, or anything in between. It is as changeable and impermanent as all other things in life... but it can often feel as if we are stuck inside of it or trapped by it and cannot see a clear way out.
I think sometimes it is easy to remember to practice compassion for others - to provide a source of love and understanding to help ease another's distress. It is sometimes harder to remember to be compassionate with ourselves. To encounter fear or insecurity with kindness and gentleness, to respond to anxiety or pain with attention and calm, to treat depression or grief with patience and understanding.
To be positive in our attitude, long-viewed in our perspective, and tender in our approach. Even - and perhaps especially - with ourselves.
Of course... we all define suffering differently. But one thing that really stood out for me this weekend is we all do indeed have something going on which we might term as pain, sadness, loss, anxiety, insecurity, or disappointment. Suffering. And... one of the things that seems to be effective for a lot of Westerners is to have a space or time within which we can speak freely about that suffering and share our story with other people.
It's the basis of therapy or counseling. Having someone who can actively listen to your story can be very powerful. And sometimes simply sharing your story... saying things out loud, naming your suffering, and letting it transition from thoughts and feelings living alone in you to an articulated concept and inner life made tangible through language can lessen its power over you.
It's as if we remove the option of remaining hidden - even from ourselves. By speaking suffering aloud, you share the burden of that suffering and place it into a larger context from which perspective is possible.
Suffering can be short and simple, complex and lengthy, or anything in between. It is as changeable and impermanent as all other things in life... but it can often feel as if we are stuck inside of it or trapped by it and cannot see a clear way out.
I think sometimes it is easy to remember to practice compassion for others - to provide a source of love and understanding to help ease another's distress. It is sometimes harder to remember to be compassionate with ourselves. To encounter fear or insecurity with kindness and gentleness, to respond to anxiety or pain with attention and calm, to treat depression or grief with patience and understanding.
To be positive in our attitude, long-viewed in our perspective, and tender in our approach. Even - and perhaps especially - with ourselves.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Ode to Bach
Unfortunately, it's too late in the day to tackle a literal ode; however, you may consider this a metaphorical one and (hopefully) forgive my tiredness and lack of creative spark as bedtime quickly approaches.
Bach seems to me inherently and unarguably connected to the divine. His music is transportational... transcendent. I don't know what he was channeling or how... but, for me, it's like the chords of my soul are struck by the complexity and beauty of his music to create a harmonious vibrational frequency so that I may resonate with every single molecule and atom around me and ultimately feel one with everything.
Which is one way in which I understand God.
Another way is through connection to others. Adler would call it social interest. A Buddhist might think of it as compassion. I see it as a kind of commitment to strive toward seeing (feeling, knowing) the intrinsic worth of my fellow human beings in order to provide (and ask for) help with openness and kindness and without fear or judgment.
My take is: Social interest and compassion are linked to purposefulness and meaning, which are linked to centeredness and peace, which are connected to enlightenment and the divine, which links back to social interest and compassion... and on and on. One might even say they are interconnected, because - let's face it - linearity in this world is rare and truth tends to be woven into a more holistic and systemic pattern when you look at it from far enough away.
Bach is my ticket to a bird's eye view from which, for a few precious moments, I can see the intricate webbing of my singular life and begin to appreciate the multiple connections binding me to an infinite and interconnected world.
Bach seems to me inherently and unarguably connected to the divine. His music is transportational... transcendent. I don't know what he was channeling or how... but, for me, it's like the chords of my soul are struck by the complexity and beauty of his music to create a harmonious vibrational frequency so that I may resonate with every single molecule and atom around me and ultimately feel one with everything.
Which is one way in which I understand God.
Another way is through connection to others. Adler would call it social interest. A Buddhist might think of it as compassion. I see it as a kind of commitment to strive toward seeing (feeling, knowing) the intrinsic worth of my fellow human beings in order to provide (and ask for) help with openness and kindness and without fear or judgment.
My take is: Social interest and compassion are linked to purposefulness and meaning, which are linked to centeredness and peace, which are connected to enlightenment and the divine, which links back to social interest and compassion... and on and on. One might even say they are interconnected, because - let's face it - linearity in this world is rare and truth tends to be woven into a more holistic and systemic pattern when you look at it from far enough away.
Bach is my ticket to a bird's eye view from which, for a few precious moments, I can see the intricate webbing of my singular life and begin to appreciate the multiple connections binding me to an infinite and interconnected world.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)