How old are you?

It's hell getting old.

My grandmother used to say this to me all the time... so much so that, unbeknownst to me at the time, it became somewhat ingrained into my thinking and etched into my memory.

I have heard it rattling around my head much more in the last year or so. I'm not sure why. Maybe because 36 is rapidly approaching and - as so many have said before - it's unflinchingly, undeniably close to 40.

Not that I'm one of those people who hesitates to share my age or even feels that weird about being the age I am... but I have noticed my body slowing down in the last 3-4 years, and with every creak and crank and lingering ache, the concept of "old" takes a little bit of a firmer hold upon my self-concept.

Regular readers will remember Andy and I made a goal of incorporating daily exercise into our routines in an effort to improve our health and physical stamina. Of course, it's gotten wildly mangled as we've moved into the school semester and have lost our warm mornings. (Thankfully, we received an indoor, manual elliptical as an anniversary gifts from Num-Num and Papa Roman... so I'm hoping we can reverse the current trend toward lethargy.)

I do think it's important to fight against the socially popular concept of aging as something evil, untenable, or unsavory. I tend to find age and aging somewhat beautiful, and I find great hope and inspiration in the people out there who are constantly redefining the terms and philosophies we apply to the act of growing older.

But it's hard to fight against those inner demons sometimes. Hard to laugh off stiff bones, injuries grown more noticeable over time, or a weakening of the body in the myriad ways it can begin to show signs of use and wear.

So as I fight off the stomach flu (rather unsuccessfully) and wait for the worst part to pass, I try to remember the many blessings that accompany my aging. I feel gratitude for the wisdom that has come through a multitude of life experiences, for the beauties and joys my life now holds, and the many ways in which my body, mind, heart, and spirit are still resilient and strong.