Career Caboom!

My friend Patty recently expressed a sense of confusion over her next steps career-wise, which prompted me to send as many career assessments as I could locate her way and to suggest some good career sights I came across while working at Career Services.

I can very much empathize with where she's at. And I'm not sure the assessments will be of any use... I have taken every single one I can find. And while it has given me a better understanding of the many components that make up (and can be weighed) a career decision... I don't necessarily feel super clear that I have found the absolute right path.

I have begun a placement in a school this week, and it has opened my eyes to a number of aspects of working as a school counselor of which I was previously unaware. Things that may not really fit well with the thing I've determined I want out of a job/career... or that I have decided are priorities right now. (Of course, there are some thing that fit perfectly and are quite exciting and inspirational.)

The bottom line of my career dilemma seems to be: I want more time with my family. I miss my daughter with an ache that is palpable each day. And being away for 7 hours or longer each day simply feels much too long. It's hard on both of us, and we both end up more prone to anger, depression, and a sense of aimlessness.

Maybe that's enmeshment, or maybe it's a very normal place to be within this particular stage of her attachment development and my journey as a mother. I know I have to be doing something... at least some little thing that is mine and is separate. But it doesn't seem to work to have that thing be 40 hours per week... or even 30. Or maybe even 28.

Thus, Andy and I are in a bit of a pickle at present, and I am trying to balance my emotional needs and mental wellbeing with smart decisions and long-range planning to reach something that is ultimately best for all of us.

Some days I am strikingly clear what that is... and others, I feel I flounder horribly and swim through self-doubt, heartache, and discouragement.

My mother suggested I ask my higher self or a higher power for guidance. Similar to praying, I suppose, or meditation, or listening to your inner self... trying to hear that inner voice. I'm not sure that voice or power or whathaveyou is consistent in its messages and decisions. But I will give it a try and aim to find a direction that feels as authentic and positive as possible.

For those of you who may be in a similar state of confusion or vocational implosion... I send out my prayers to you that you are able to find an answer to your own questions and a path that suits you well.