Simple, Silly

Andy and I were able to sit outside today on our front porch while Ari napped. The weather was lovely, and there was a nice midafternoon breeze to accompany the sunshine, blue sky, and clouds. A perfect day to sit at a little bistro table and watch the world around us.

What struck me about it, aside from what at treat it was to experience, was that my husband was having a hard time staying in the present. He was focused on an important call he has tomorrow and on the latest round of life-altering decisions that have come our way and the myriad possibilities accompanying them.

Now... I can't blame him for being preoccupied. We both have difficulty staying in the now, and we both struggle to let go of a very desperate desire to know what the future holds. We are planners... and worriers... and possibly a little bit neurotic. All of which is open to change, but all of which provides challenges for us as we seek to reform and redefine who we are and evolve into a new phase of living.

It's amazing how such a simple thing as being present in the current moment can present such difficulty for so many of us. Truly letting go of the past and all the emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual baggage that comes with it sounds great on paper but is sometimes hard to put into practice. Eckhart Tolle calls it the pain body; I've also heard it referred to as demons, trauma, sin, emotional or physical memory, etc... so many names.

Similarly, those of us who like to plan and are prone to fretting can sometimes find it hard to stay present in each moment without carrying forth with expectation and imagining how things will unfold. Conducting elaborate conversations and full-on dramas in our head of what will take place in the minutes, hours, days, or months to come.

I think there is probably a fine line between visualization and an obsession with always living in the moment ahead - but that can be a tricky grey area to traverse. One that leaves us always falling forward... trying to catch up with a body that has not yet arrived in the moment we are determined to inhabit.

Today was a gift, wherein I was able, for a small chunk of time, to settle rather comfortably into the present and fully take in the now. It was quite peaceful (a place I'd like to occupy more often), and when it happened, it was kind of funny to me how simple it was to be there. As if the part of me that was finally in sync was chuckling a bit and thinking silly, silly.