Are the white lies really that little?

So I hurt my husband today. Not intentionally... though with hindsight I can see how my actions were pretty ill-conceived and, one might even say, stupid.

We had this long-standing argument about Ari's bangs... to cut or not to cut. I wanted to trim them so she would stop pushing them out of her eyes. I feared she was developing some sort of physical tic. Conversely, Andy felt very opposed to bangs... believing they would not look good and insisting she be able to grow her hair out so that it's all the same length.

Now... if Ari were not the little tornado she is, we could simply solve this by putting barrettes or elastics in her hair and all be happy. But she tends to remove any such implements within five minutes of placement upon her moppish little head... so no luck there.

Long story short: I let my mother cut Ari's bangs. I didn't stop her. And I didn't tell Andy.

He didn't seem to notice and so I figured I'd just keep quiet about it, happy Ari was no longer feverishly and constantly pushing hair out of her face and that we seemed to have found a length that worked for both of us. However, Andy did notice and I had to come clean and the aftermath of my not saying anything and basically going behind his back to shorten her hair left him feeling very hurt and somewhat betrayed.

The point he made, which I think was what hit me the hardest, was that my behavior was unlike anything I had ever done in our whole friendship, dating, or marriage. Essentially, I chose to behave like the type of married couple we always promised we would not be – rationalizing my actions by thinking it was for Ari’s own good and was such a small, little thing it should not matter.

Granted, his reaction is affected by some of his own things (which I will not go into here), and I totally understand where he’s coming from and why it bothered/bothers him so much. But the bottom line was that instead of dealing with him directly, I chose to do something behind his back. And instead of telling him immediately, I chose to keep quiet about it.

That’s not behavior I would trust or appreciate either.