Divinely Guided?

An email arrived today from a friend, Rachel Claff, who created a project for The Neo-Futurists one year that now runs every summer: the Neo-Futurist Film Fest. It's become a long-standing, much-anticipated, and much-loved tradition. Staged readings of the worst film scripts ever - or more accurately, from the 20th century. Brilliant.

This year marks the 7th annual Film Fest, and the final film of the festival is Coyote Ugly. Yes. Coyote Ugly.

So Rachel wrote to see if I would a) want to be in the cast for the film and/or b) choreograph the dancing for it. And here comes my dilemma... I'm in class over the summer, am taking two tests I need for certification in IL, and will be preparing for two tests I have to take in the fall (one national certification exam and one university exam required for graduation from the program). Not to mention that one of my courses may completely prevent me from doing any more than going up and choreographing a few numbers over the weekend. We shall see.

BUT MAN OH MAN DO I WANT TO DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! Not just to go up for a weekend and choreograph it, but also to go up and perform too. Which made me wonder:

Is there divine purpose or guidance to our career paths? Are we meant to do something in this world... and if we are not doing it, are we somehow not fulfilling our purpose in life?

I left the arts to pursue a degree in an area I had long considered as a possibility... namely, counseling. I ended up choosing the school specialization (though I have vacilated GREATLY throughout my program), and I know that I want to find a way to balance working with children to make a positive change in their lives with completing some artistic projects that have long been in my head and may accomplish the first goal as well (at least a few of them).

So how do you do it? How do you balance your life when you feel you have multiple callings? Not even adding in the calling to the UU ministry... I've already got plenty: author, choreographer, counselor, performing artist, writer, etc.

I often feel envious of my brother, Brent Roman. He has always known he wanted to be a musician. And, more specifically, a percussionist. And... even more specifically than that - a percussionist working for Cirque du Soleil. And so that's what he's doing. He finishes up the Alegria tour in South America and will then switch over to Dralion in Australia. Crazy.

My respect and admiration for my brother are very high. I find him immensely talented, and I am very, very proud of him. But I also envy the way in which he knows exactly what he wants to do - and he doesn't have to split his focus or juggle multiple balls or constantly second guess himself in order to get there.

I often wish I could attain the same singularity of focus. But 35 years into my existence, I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen. I'm built a bit differently... and so my lesson seems to be much more about prioritization and balance. With an emphasis on balance.

So here I am... walking my metaphorical tightrope, checking my summer schedule and creating bartop dance numbers in my head while finishing up a large research project and looking for school counseling jobs in several states.

Most days I trust a larger pattern to the chaos... but sometimes, I can't help but wonder.