I have been thinking a lot lately about authenticity. What does it mean to be one's authentic self? How do we reconcile the many masks we may wear in a day or (from a less cynical perspective) the many ways in which we change shape based on our circumstances and surroundings. We are all mutable - our different roles sometimes require slightly different aspects of our genuine self.
But what separates authentic behavior from inauthentic? Is it inauthentic if the person being disingenuous does not realize he or she is being false? What it falsity vs. ignorance vs. deception?
This has come up lately for me, as I seek to make my way toward decisions that affect my future plans and career pursuits, as well as my educational track in the next year or two. For some reason, this is a muddy area for me... I feel a mix of ego, ambition, confusion, passion, and a plethora of interests that can sometimes pull me in multiple directions. Add to that the pragmatic concerns arising in having a life bound to two other people who are immensely important to me... and all my values, beliefs, and assumptions and you have quite a tangle some moments.
So lately I have been seeking the authentic inner voice that is Genevra. At least Genevra in this moment. Because, I know I will continue to change - we are not, after all, static. This can be a painful and humbling process. Ego, jealousy, competition, a desire to be loved... these are not necessary pretty things.
Of course, there are positive things too... and the truth—the authentic, genuine, real truth (which is perhaps a paradox already)—probably lies somewhere in the middle. It will be interesting to see where I settle when the balancing point is finally reached.
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To a large degree because of Emerson, I think, we UUs (and Westerners in general, Americans in particular) tend to see our "authentic" selves as something that comes from within -- that inner self, that spark of the divine, the immortal soul that denotes who we truly are, or perhaps who would be if only we could become the individual that God intends for us to be. But I'm also now much taken by the wisdom of Gandhi, who admonished us to "become the change you hope to see" -- in other words, pick a persona and behave as though that were the person you truly are. In essence, this was the secret to Ben Kingsley's Oscar-winning performance in the movie: his realization (as he put it) that Gandhi "was not so much a saint who stooped to politics, as he was a politician struggling to become a saint." (all these quotes are from memory, BTW, so don't crucify me if I don't have them exactly right).
In any event, this same tension between Inside Out and Outside in is also the distinction made three decades ago by Leon Hopper in his paper about the difference between "being a minister" and "doing ministry," and perhaps the larger distinction between "Human Doing" and "Human Being" itself. Yet authenticity, it seems to me, has as much to do with Sincerity as it does anything else. As my former wife (a successful trial lawyer) once put it, "once you can fake that, you can do just about anything...."
I've been thinking about Atticus Finch lately (I'm working on a post about To Kill a Mockingbird). At one point he is described (by Miss Maudie Atkinson, I believe) as being the same man in his living room as on the street. For a long time I thought of the "street" self -- the outside self -- as a sort of mask that Atticus never takes off, not even in his living room, which struck me as a stressful way to live. Only later did I realize that Miss Maudie means that Atticus does not wear a mask at all -- outside and inside are the same. Since then, I have considered this to be the ideal of integrity -- oh and I am so far, far, far from this ideal.
Thank you both so much for your posts. I love what you said EC about human doing and human being. I think it connects nicely with the UU emphasis on action as not only a response but a way of communicating and interacting with the world... behavior as being/message.
And Rae... I truly love your insight about Atticus and how it connects with integrity. I remember being so very struck by that character - similarly drawn to his beauty and integrity and way of being.
While I agree authenticity suggests we are always the same - no matter who we are with, where we are at, etc. - I do believe there is a subtle shift that happens depending on our role at the time (based on Super's theory), and so rather than being an inauthentic articulation of who we are... it's more like a different hue of the same color. A variation on a main theme. I think the theme must persist yet evolve... if that makes any sense!
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