Think. Say. Do.

I wrote a play, while in The Neo-Futurists, about prayer and the semantic difficulty of finding a word that adequately expresses what I feel I do when I'm asking for help or trying to connect with something larger or seeking to manifest/create something new. At least, that's part of what it was about.

Prayer was not a word ever used by my family and, in fact, I grew up sort of feeling like it carried a negative connotation - too religious, too Christian, too attached to dogma. I grew up without formal religion. I attended church with friends every once in a while, but I was primarily raised in what might be called a "New Age" theology or spirituality. My brother and I were encouraged to question, to explore, to define our own beliefs and to learn as much as we could about others. A pretty great way to grow up, overall.

My family always called prayer "blessings" - but it's really the same thing. And so lately I've tried to be more mindful of using the word prayer. To open myself up to using that word to communicate what I'm doing when I pray for others or pray to a higher power.

My prayer for myself, in times of trouble, is nearly always the same: Let things happen as they should; let what is to be, be. Help me trust all is unfolding just as it is supposed to.

Because, ultimately, I do believe all happens for a reason and all happens as it should. Which is not to say I believe I can sit back on my booty and just wait for good things to occur. I believe you still have to fight for your dreams, work toward your goals, and advocate for your needs. (Nor does it mean I believe bad things happen because we asked for them or deserved them... I guess it's more that I think it all leads toward personal/spiritual learning, evolution, and growth.)

So perhaps it's a marriage between destiny and fate... a balance between free will and the will of God (another word I'm trying to get more comfortable using). The bottom line is, the events of the last two weeks have tested my faith as I've prayed for guidance, patience, calm, and trust.

Most of all trust.