Do you have a dream life you picture? Something different from your chosen course and simultaneously enticing and frightening to you because of its unknown qualities or its connection to insecurities, shadow beliefs, or values passed down through multiple contexts.
Maybe you already are doing what you love--if so, I suspect you are in the minority, simply based upon my own experiences with "adults" and their jobs. Or rather, how they view and experience their jobs.
It is quite a struggle to balance the sensible, responsible, adult path with the internal, id-driven, ideal path. The one you believe in your heart of hearts would make you happy... but that you can't quite believe could be possible. Or sustainable. Or fair to everyone else in your life.
My dream life: writing and crafting for a living. I want to make jewelry, write children's books, and travel and be with my family as much as possible. I also have fantasies of teaching a dance or choreography class to kids. Or running an artists' retreat with my husband. Or opening a theatre with him and a friend of ours. Or creating a community arts facility with studio spaces, classes, workshops, and a performance space.
Instead, I am pursuing a career in school counseling. Maybe it's a good compromise as I seek to find financial stability, health insurance we don't need to panic about every 10 seconds, a schedule that will work well with my daughter's needs, and something that won't make me feel like jabbing pens into my eyes due to overwhelming boredom.
Maybe not. Hard to say, as I've never done the job. (Which is what this coming year is about, I suppose.)
In the meantime, I continue to think longingly of all the books I'd like to write, all the jewelry and crafting ideas I'd like to pursue, and the multitude of projects Andy and I have talked about creating at some distant and undefinable point in the future.
It's difficult to know what is holding me back more. The external or the internal. I suspect the latter. I am hoping this year will bring much more clarity. Sort of a miraculous epiphany and the courage to pursue it despite the misgivings of others.
We shall see.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Ironic
We got some bad news today; without going into too much detail, I will simply say something we had expected to happen (and around which we had been making plans) did not occur. It all kind of went into a different direction--one which is not bad, but is definitely not what we anticipated.
It threw us both for a tailspin, but it provides an opportunity to embrace the mantra from yesterday... and to strive toward that ability to detach from expectation and to live happily in the present, trusting that everything will be okay.
Some days that is easier than others. But I think it might be a somewhat universal pursuit. To feel at peace. To feel purposeful but relaxed without our lives.
Funny how life sometimes hits you over the head with those lessons.
It threw us both for a tailspin, but it provides an opportunity to embrace the mantra from yesterday... and to strive toward that ability to detach from expectation and to live happily in the present, trusting that everything will be okay.
Some days that is easier than others. But I think it might be a somewhat universal pursuit. To feel at peace. To feel purposeful but relaxed without our lives.
Funny how life sometimes hits you over the head with those lessons.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Trust (a note to myself)
Everything happens for a reason. Even if you can't see it yet or are unable to discern the bigger picture at the moment--there is direction in the chaos.
There is purpose. There is meaning. Don't lose faith or get discouraged or allow your heart to be consumed with worry just because you can't figure out where it's all headed. And especially just because your expectations weren't met or your assumptions were proven wrong.
If you believe you are safe, then feel safe. If you believe you are able to succeed and to fail and still be okay... then go ahead and succeed, and fail, and try to enjoy every step of the process.
Don't panic.
Don't worry.
Don't second-guess.
Don't freak out.
Don't feel trapped.
Don't get angry.
You have so many things to feel grateful for, to count as blessings in your life. Why not embrace those things and enter each moment with a smile and an easy heart?
There is purpose. There is meaning. Don't lose faith or get discouraged or allow your heart to be consumed with worry just because you can't figure out where it's all headed. And especially just because your expectations weren't met or your assumptions were proven wrong.
If you believe you are safe, then feel safe. If you believe you are able to succeed and to fail and still be okay... then go ahead and succeed, and fail, and try to enjoy every step of the process.
Don't panic.
Don't worry.
Don't second-guess.
Don't freak out.
Don't feel trapped.
Don't get angry.
You have so many things to feel grateful for, to count as blessings in your life. Why not embrace those things and enter each moment with a smile and an easy heart?
Monday, July 28, 2008
Looking for the silver lining.
You've probably heard about the oil spill in Louisiana already. Apparently, it spans from New Orleans to the Gulf of Mexico, and stalled ships and essentially stopped all traffic on the Mississippi River all the way up to today (Monday).
Of course, in the midst of gas prices hovering in the $4 range and barrels rollercoastering in price all month, this news was of the kind that leads to mild panic... as well as that pit-of-your-stomach crash of "not again" - at least for those of us who still strongly and clearly recall the Exxon Valdez spill in '89.
However, if reports are to be believed, the good news is the impact upon wildlife will be minimal (though I think that assessment depends on who you read), and the refineries in the area expect operations and output to continue at anticipated levels (i.e., no shortage/crisis).
Of course, the long-term effects of such an environmental oops are sometimes hard to calculate, and if you take a holistic perspective or systems approach, then even the smallest "accident" of this kind can have an impact upon the world in myriad ways.
Hmmmm... so where is that silver lining?
Of course, in the midst of gas prices hovering in the $4 range and barrels rollercoastering in price all month, this news was of the kind that leads to mild panic... as well as that pit-of-your-stomach crash of "not again" - at least for those of us who still strongly and clearly recall the Exxon Valdez spill in '89.
However, if reports are to be believed, the good news is the impact upon wildlife will be minimal (though I think that assessment depends on who you read), and the refineries in the area expect operations and output to continue at anticipated levels (i.e., no shortage/crisis).
Of course, the long-term effects of such an environmental oops are sometimes hard to calculate, and if you take a holistic perspective or systems approach, then even the smallest "accident" of this kind can have an impact upon the world in myriad ways.
Hmmmm... so where is that silver lining?
Sunday, July 27, 2008
A Request
We didn't go to church today. Too much to do in preparation for a visit from Papa Gallo and the generally disjointed and hectic feel of summer has kept us away for several weeks now.
This caused me some minor sadness at missing services yet again, but I did not think much of it until we were in the car on our way home from Flamm Orchards this afternoon and Andy told me about the shooting this morning in Tennessee. It was a Unitarian Universalist church in Knoxville.
Although I have been surprised and upset to hear of every church shooting that has occurred recently (and there have been frighteningly many), this one hit me harder because it was my faith. My chosen venue of worship. And so, in a sense, my people--even though I don't personally know any of them. I still feel connected through our faith, our principles, and our fellowships.
It happened at 10:15am this morning, which is exactly the time we usually leave to attend our church. At that time of morning at the Fellowship, people are usually all over the building - talking in the common room, finding seats in the fellowship hall before worship officially starts, taking excited children to RE classes and chatting with other members about summer activities. It is an atmosphere of peace, love, warmth, and connection. I am guessing the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church is very similar.
As of writing this, one person has died and eight people are in serious to critical condition at the hospital. They have a suspect in custody, and the community is banding together to support those affected by the violence.
Please, if you would, keep them in your thoughts and prayers. I have no doubts they could use your blessings.
This caused me some minor sadness at missing services yet again, but I did not think much of it until we were in the car on our way home from Flamm Orchards this afternoon and Andy told me about the shooting this morning in Tennessee. It was a Unitarian Universalist church in Knoxville.
Although I have been surprised and upset to hear of every church shooting that has occurred recently (and there have been frighteningly many), this one hit me harder because it was my faith. My chosen venue of worship. And so, in a sense, my people--even though I don't personally know any of them. I still feel connected through our faith, our principles, and our fellowships.
It happened at 10:15am this morning, which is exactly the time we usually leave to attend our church. At that time of morning at the Fellowship, people are usually all over the building - talking in the common room, finding seats in the fellowship hall before worship officially starts, taking excited children to RE classes and chatting with other members about summer activities. It is an atmosphere of peace, love, warmth, and connection. I am guessing the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church is very similar.
As of writing this, one person has died and eight people are in serious to critical condition at the hospital. They have a suspect in custody, and the community is banding together to support those affected by the violence.
Please, if you would, keep them in your thoughts and prayers. I have no doubts they could use your blessings.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Articles of Faith
Andy shared a story with me recently, wondering what my reaction to it might be. Apparently, Obama placed a prayer in the Western Wall during his visit to Jerusalem... and someone removed it.
Not only did this person remove the prayer, but he/she then shopped it around to at least two papers until someone decided to publish it.
My initial reaction was a mixture of anger and disbelief. Jay Torrence once wrote a play about his experience at the wall for Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind, and I always felt it was one of the most beautiful monologues about faith to ever grace our stage.
His description conveyed a sense of communal worship that was equal parts collective and individual connection to God. Something sacred, something ritualistic, and something important to each person who made that journey.
Although I have tried to step back in the last couple of days to see if I can feel more compassion for those who made decisions ultimately leading to the publication of the prayer, it is difficult to understand or empathize with such a stark disregard for someone's privacy and personal pursuit of spirituality--no matter who it might be.
I have read reactions stating it was a photo op he took and might therefore be a hollow action, but irrespective of his intentions, the sanctity of the Western Wall and the many prayers placed there should, in my mind, take precedence over everything else.
Every action creates ripples. I wonder what aftereffects will flow out over time?
Not only did this person remove the prayer, but he/she then shopped it around to at least two papers until someone decided to publish it.
My initial reaction was a mixture of anger and disbelief. Jay Torrence once wrote a play about his experience at the wall for Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind, and I always felt it was one of the most beautiful monologues about faith to ever grace our stage.
His description conveyed a sense of communal worship that was equal parts collective and individual connection to God. Something sacred, something ritualistic, and something important to each person who made that journey.
Although I have tried to step back in the last couple of days to see if I can feel more compassion for those who made decisions ultimately leading to the publication of the prayer, it is difficult to understand or empathize with such a stark disregard for someone's privacy and personal pursuit of spirituality--no matter who it might be.
I have read reactions stating it was a photo op he took and might therefore be a hollow action, but irrespective of his intentions, the sanctity of the Western Wall and the many prayers placed there should, in my mind, take precedence over everything else.
Every action creates ripples. I wonder what aftereffects will flow out over time?
Friday, July 25, 2008
The What and How of Why
Yesterday's quake in Japan caught me and Andy by surprise. A few hours earlier, we had heard Dolly was being downgraded as it approached Texas, which was a great relief, but that news was followed by reports of devastation overseas, and we immediately thought of China and Myanmar.
As of today, 200 people have been injured in Japan; however, there have been no deaths reported, which is quite a blessing. The quake was rated a 6.8, and apparently even Tokyo felt it.
Meanwhile, in Texas, the damage was not as bad as had been feared. Hundreds of thousands are without power as relief efforts continue, and disaster funds are being okayed for 15 counties. Mexico was hit as well, and then had to face Tropical Storm Genevieve directly afterward, leading to at least eight deaths by drowning.
Earthquake relief continues in China as new housing is provided for a small percentage of the 4.8 million people left homeless, and donations are still being collected in support of the massive recovery process required.
Unfortunately, the exchange system in Myanmar has drastically reduced the value and impact of foreign donations, leaving 2.4 million people affected by the storms with inadequate aid in the wake of so much damage. The U.N. is attempting to work with the government to improve the situation and ensure the intended donations reach their recipients at full value.
I share all this for multiple reasons: Maybe you were hoping to add a few people or places to your prayers. Maybe you actually find yourself with some cash to spare in the midst of our economic crisis and you weren't sure what to do with it. Maybe hearing about these things will help shed light on a bad day or make a few concerns feel smaller and less pressing.
Advocacy comes in many forms, as does assistance, compassion, and encouragement. However you choose to proceed today, may you encounter peace and safety.
As of today, 200 people have been injured in Japan; however, there have been no deaths reported, which is quite a blessing. The quake was rated a 6.8, and apparently even Tokyo felt it.
Meanwhile, in Texas, the damage was not as bad as had been feared. Hundreds of thousands are without power as relief efforts continue, and disaster funds are being okayed for 15 counties. Mexico was hit as well, and then had to face Tropical Storm Genevieve directly afterward, leading to at least eight deaths by drowning.
Earthquake relief continues in China as new housing is provided for a small percentage of the 4.8 million people left homeless, and donations are still being collected in support of the massive recovery process required.
Unfortunately, the exchange system in Myanmar has drastically reduced the value and impact of foreign donations, leaving 2.4 million people affected by the storms with inadequate aid in the wake of so much damage. The U.N. is attempting to work with the government to improve the situation and ensure the intended donations reach their recipients at full value.
I share all this for multiple reasons: Maybe you were hoping to add a few people or places to your prayers. Maybe you actually find yourself with some cash to spare in the midst of our economic crisis and you weren't sure what to do with it. Maybe hearing about these things will help shed light on a bad day or make a few concerns feel smaller and less pressing.
Advocacy comes in many forms, as does assistance, compassion, and encouragement. However you choose to proceed today, may you encounter peace and safety.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
A Lesson in Glee
It seems the train trip to DuQuoin Ariana took with Num-Num and Papa left quite an impression upon her. (It's amazing what a $3 Amtrak ticket can do for a 2 year old!)
That evening, she requested a "blue choo choo" song before bedtime. Having no such song in our repertoire, my mother had to make one up. But she forgot it and was not able to sing it for me... and then she went back home to North Carolina. So, I had to create a new song. Which, thankfully, she happily accepted and embraced.
Andy laughed when he heard it, but it remains a stable and expected component of Ari's and my evening ritual.
The Blue Choo Choo Song
for Ari
Ari and Num-Num and Papa
Rode on the blue choo choo
They bought some tickets
And went to DuQuoin
And then they came back home
Ari and Num-Num and Papa
Rode on the blue choo choo
Ari ate dinner
And looked out the window
Then Daddy picked her up
Ari and Num-Num and Papa
Said they laughed and played and smiled
They sat on the seats
And they walked down the aisle
Ari and Num-Num and Papa
Had a great time that day
When they rode on
The big blue choo choo train
Ari and Num-Num and Papa
Rode on the blue choo choo
They sure had fun
But now it's done
And maybe they'll do it again
That evening, she requested a "blue choo choo" song before bedtime. Having no such song in our repertoire, my mother had to make one up. But she forgot it and was not able to sing it for me... and then she went back home to North Carolina. So, I had to create a new song. Which, thankfully, she happily accepted and embraced.Andy laughed when he heard it, but it remains a stable and expected component of Ari's and my evening ritual.
The Blue Choo Choo Song
for Ari
Ari and Num-Num and Papa
Rode on the blue choo choo
They bought some tickets
And went to DuQuoin
And then they came back home
Ari and Num-Num and Papa
Rode on the blue choo choo
Ari ate dinner
And looked out the window
Then Daddy picked her up
Ari and Num-Num and Papa
Said they laughed and played and smiled
They sat on the seats
And they walked down the aisle
Ari and Num-Num and Papa
Had a great time that day
When they rode on
The big blue choo choo train
Ari and Num-Num and Papa
Rode on the blue choo choo
They sure had fun
But now it's done
And maybe they'll do it again
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
The Arist, The Canvas (or: meaning against the backdrop of purpose)
I had lunch with a fellow classmate today who is an astounding and inspiring woman. She has lived a varied and exciting life full of great accomplishments in the way of helping, encouraging, and ministering to other people.
One thing she said today that really stood out to me was, "No one is an accident." We had been talking about purpose and meaning and how some people feel lost in their lives or can't seem to find a reason to keep going... they feel disconnected, isolated, or without worth.
In those times, she said, it's important to remember that one's life is not an accident. Everyone's life has purpose and everyone is connected to God (which she and I probably think of a bit differently).
I tend to believe we are all connected to something larger than ourselves... something through which we are interwoven and interconnected, along the lines of quantum physics or string theory. Add in the spiritual and the scientific becomes metaphysical... the space between atoms becomes a deeper and more meaningful place within which something magical or sacred can reside.
It's difficult, sometimes, to find or define one's purpose in life. And I do think the ways in which we find meaning or that which we prioritize and deem important and fulfilling in life (think of Curly's "one thing" in City Slickers) can change over time.
But I love the articulation of the concept that every life has purpose and meaning simply through its mere existence. Sort of a Buddhist idea in the sense that being is the point. Is is the point. And thus no life is without worth or purpose. It is as it should be.
I sometimes think that if you could stand outside of time and see all the lives that are, have been, and will be, it would be like looking at one of those pictures made up of tinier pictures... each distinct image holding its own but also being caught in a pattern much larger - and ultimately more complex and grander - than its own.
I think that would be a rather lovely thing to view. An intentional yet chaotic portrait of this tremendous roller coaster we call life.
One thing she said today that really stood out to me was, "No one is an accident." We had been talking about purpose and meaning and how some people feel lost in their lives or can't seem to find a reason to keep going... they feel disconnected, isolated, or without worth.
In those times, she said, it's important to remember that one's life is not an accident. Everyone's life has purpose and everyone is connected to God (which she and I probably think of a bit differently).
I tend to believe we are all connected to something larger than ourselves... something through which we are interwoven and interconnected, along the lines of quantum physics or string theory. Add in the spiritual and the scientific becomes metaphysical... the space between atoms becomes a deeper and more meaningful place within which something magical or sacred can reside.
It's difficult, sometimes, to find or define one's purpose in life. And I do think the ways in which we find meaning or that which we prioritize and deem important and fulfilling in life (think of Curly's "one thing" in City Slickers) can change over time.
But I love the articulation of the concept that every life has purpose and meaning simply through its mere existence. Sort of a Buddhist idea in the sense that being is the point. Is is the point. And thus no life is without worth or purpose. It is as it should be.
I sometimes think that if you could stand outside of time and see all the lives that are, have been, and will be, it would be like looking at one of those pictures made up of tinier pictures... each distinct image holding its own but also being caught in a pattern much larger - and ultimately more complex and grander - than its own.
I think that would be a rather lovely thing to view. An intentional yet chaotic portrait of this tremendous roller coaster we call life.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
An Internal Tiny Shift with Potentially Large External Results
One of the emphases in my graduate program has been a strength-based approach to counseling. The idea being you can aid your clients more effectively by focusing on and highlighting strengths they possess or times they have triumphed over struggle in order to help sustain motivation and, more importantly, hope.
Today I was watching Happy Feet with Ariana and started thinking about difference and socially perceived weakness. Which led me to think about ostracization and group behavior in which those who are perceived to be other, different, weak, or strange are separated from the majority of the group.
Those concepts of seeing someone from a strength-based perspective and treating others with compassion (which is certainly present in the Unitarian Universalist tradition, as well as among many other faiths) strikes me as being an inherently constructive approach to interacting and living with others.
Perhaps it is a good mindfulness exercise... to approach every situation with another human being as an opportunity and a challenge to find and embrace the positive. By seeing beauty, accepting frailty, and connecting with strength, we may be able to feel less isolated ourselves while being an encouraging and affirming source for others.
Today I was watching Happy Feet with Ariana and started thinking about difference and socially perceived weakness. Which led me to think about ostracization and group behavior in which those who are perceived to be other, different, weak, or strange are separated from the majority of the group.
Those concepts of seeing someone from a strength-based perspective and treating others with compassion (which is certainly present in the Unitarian Universalist tradition, as well as among many other faiths) strikes me as being an inherently constructive approach to interacting and living with others.
Perhaps it is a good mindfulness exercise... to approach every situation with another human being as an opportunity and a challenge to find and embrace the positive. By seeing beauty, accepting frailty, and connecting with strength, we may be able to feel less isolated ourselves while being an encouraging and affirming source for others.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Food Finds
For me, planning our weekly menus and figuring out what to feed the three of us three times a day ad infinitum can often feel like a Sisyphean task. We tend to throw away our veggies and fruits in great quantities - untouched and unused - and the sometimes picky-ness of all three of us can make healthy eating a true challenge.
So... I was searching online today to see if I could get any good food ideas, and I came upon several new blogs that are truly fantastic and wonderfully happy-making in a "what's mommy cooking tonight" kind of way.*
I have always been a big fan of 101 Cookbooks, which focuses on vegetarian and vegan fare utilizing fresh, local, whole ingredients. Lots of in-season spotlights and great ideas for taking what can often feel like bland and unsatisfying fare to glorious, tasty new heights. Sunday's recipe was Edamame Soup, perfect for our little legume fanatic.
Today I also found The Great Big Vegetable Challenge (originally a blog and now a book sold out of the UK), created by a mother who decided to commit to a year-long task of cooking at least two recipes with vegetables she and her 7 year-old son could identify from A to Z. Brilliant! And the recipes look fantastic. Quite an inspiring and serendipitous find.
Another great discovery: Little Foodies, created by a family dedicated to preparing and eating cuisine from all around the world. Their "kitchen travels" include 11 different countries (and also SPACE, as in "outer"), and the pics and recipes are great (though you will have to convert from metric).
This week, I am trying my hand at making pizza dough from scratch with whole wheat flour, as well as attempting a zucchini and potato pancake that will hopefully make a nice foundation for some chicken. We shall see. I simply like having an excuse to continue incorporating as many fresh, whole ingredients as possible and to hear about and be inspired by folks all over the world!
*It is at this point that I should clarify that my husband, Andy, does indeed cook. Quite often - especially during the school year. However, he is in the middle of several big deadlines and therefore has been somewhat less involved in some of the housely duties he normally undertakes on a regular basis. Hence, my food/menu dilemma.
So... I was searching online today to see if I could get any good food ideas, and I came upon several new blogs that are truly fantastic and wonderfully happy-making in a "what's mommy cooking tonight" kind of way.*
I have always been a big fan of 101 Cookbooks, which focuses on vegetarian and vegan fare utilizing fresh, local, whole ingredients. Lots of in-season spotlights and great ideas for taking what can often feel like bland and unsatisfying fare to glorious, tasty new heights. Sunday's recipe was Edamame Soup, perfect for our little legume fanatic.
Today I also found The Great Big Vegetable Challenge (originally a blog and now a book sold out of the UK), created by a mother who decided to commit to a year-long task of cooking at least two recipes with vegetables she and her 7 year-old son could identify from A to Z. Brilliant! And the recipes look fantastic. Quite an inspiring and serendipitous find.
Another great discovery: Little Foodies, created by a family dedicated to preparing and eating cuisine from all around the world. Their "kitchen travels" include 11 different countries (and also SPACE, as in "outer"), and the pics and recipes are great (though you will have to convert from metric).
This week, I am trying my hand at making pizza dough from scratch with whole wheat flour, as well as attempting a zucchini and potato pancake that will hopefully make a nice foundation for some chicken. We shall see. I simply like having an excuse to continue incorporating as many fresh, whole ingredients as possible and to hear about and be inspired by folks all over the world!
*It is at this point that I should clarify that my husband, Andy, does indeed cook. Quite often - especially during the school year. However, he is in the middle of several big deadlines and therefore has been somewhat less involved in some of the housely duties he normally undertakes on a regular basis. Hence, my food/menu dilemma.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
SA-WEET!
Andy and I did a silly thing and took an impromptu and completely last-minute trip to St. Louis for the weekend with little Ariana. We had intended to go to the zoo and to the City Museum, but we only managed to get in the first one yesterday, as this morning got off to a sluggish start and we thought it best to take it easy, hit the pool one last time, and not try to rush off. We'll see it next time.
However, we did manage to fit in a trip to one of the places featured on one of our favorite shows: Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. It's called Sweetie Pie's, and it's a St. Louis landmark with the most amazing soul food you could ever hope to eat.
Andy asked one of the cashiers: If someone could only eat here once, what would you recommend? Her Sunday suggestions: fried chicken wings, mac-n-cheese, and greens. Which is exactly what Andy ordered.
I got the chicken wings with two sides: dressing and mashed potatoes and gravy. Ari had her very own mac-n-cheese, which she excitedly talked about for the 15-20 minutes it took us to move through the line, order our food, and pay.
Mind you, this was not at all wise for our diets or our intentions to eat healthy and watch our weight. NOT AT ALL. But ohhhhhhhhhh - it was the BEST food we've eaten in a long, long, long time! The dressing was the most fantastic I've ever had. Andy loved the mac-n-cheese, and we both agreed the chicken was phenomenal.
Did I mention we also got dessert? (Peach cobbler and pecan pie... again, the best we'd ever had.)
Naughty, naughty food day, but oh so good!
However, we did manage to fit in a trip to one of the places featured on one of our favorite shows: Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. It's called Sweetie Pie's, and it's a St. Louis landmark with the most amazing soul food you could ever hope to eat.
Andy asked one of the cashiers: If someone could only eat here once, what would you recommend? Her Sunday suggestions: fried chicken wings, mac-n-cheese, and greens. Which is exactly what Andy ordered.
I got the chicken wings with two sides: dressing and mashed potatoes and gravy. Ari had her very own mac-n-cheese, which she excitedly talked about for the 15-20 minutes it took us to move through the line, order our food, and pay.
Mind you, this was not at all wise for our diets or our intentions to eat healthy and watch our weight. NOT AT ALL. But ohhhhhhhhhh - it was the BEST food we've eaten in a long, long, long time! The dressing was the most fantastic I've ever had. Andy loved the mac-n-cheese, and we both agreed the chicken was phenomenal.
Did I mention we also got dessert? (Peach cobbler and pecan pie... again, the best we'd ever had.)
Naughty, naughty food day, but oh so good!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Thoughts Upon the Treadmill @ 6:30am
There is a disconnect
between daily living
and the news cycle
running circles around
"everyday" people on CNN
and the nightly news:
myopia trained on
sensationalized grief.
My grandmother watched
the local 6 o'clock
with fear encircling
her chest - convinced
each tragedy would
find her door,
push it open,
and crush her breath.
I find myself prone to
similar imaginings:
caught in a cycle of
death scenes, muggings,
and home invasions,
wondering what the lives
of others looked like
before their tragedies.
And in that state of
continuous vigilance,
I miss the commonplace
miracles life provides:
hippos and penguins,
ice cream and sprinklers,
best friends, a child's smile,
and simple, unsensational quiet.
between daily living
and the news cycle
running circles around
"everyday" people on CNN
and the nightly news:
myopia trained on
sensationalized grief.
My grandmother watched
the local 6 o'clock
with fear encircling
her chest - convinced
each tragedy would
find her door,
push it open,
and crush her breath.
I find myself prone to
similar imaginings:
caught in a cycle of
death scenes, muggings,
and home invasions,
wondering what the lives
of others looked like
before their tragedies.
And in that state of
continuous vigilance,
I miss the commonplace
miracles life provides:
hippos and penguins,
ice cream and sprinklers,
best friends, a child's smile,
and simple, unsensational quiet.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Shifting Gears
We were on the highway today experiencing heavy traffic heading into St. Louis, and eventually we came to realize it was due to an accident in the east-bound lane.
It's so easy to feel frustrated on the road... to be taken over by impatience, or anger, or frustration. Forgetting about the destination and - more importantly - the journey.
Having lived in a city for a long time, I know what it's like to finally discover the mind-numbingly slow traffic was all due to gawking or slowing down because an accident has occurred on the other side of the road.
Impatience.
Frustration.
A shaking of the head and rolling of the eyes and heavy sighing as the pace picks up and people again begin to zoom around on all sides.
But what happens to the persons or people involved in the crash? What effect might a quick prayer or thought for them and their families have? How does it change the subsequent minutes/hours/days if I can feel grateful for my own safety and empathy for those who slowed out of concern or fear or curiosity or sadness? That shift might make all the difference.
It's so easy to feel frustrated on the road... to be taken over by impatience, or anger, or frustration. Forgetting about the destination and - more importantly - the journey.
Having lived in a city for a long time, I know what it's like to finally discover the mind-numbingly slow traffic was all due to gawking or slowing down because an accident has occurred on the other side of the road.
Impatience.
Frustration.
A shaking of the head and rolling of the eyes and heavy sighing as the pace picks up and people again begin to zoom around on all sides.
But what happens to the persons or people involved in the crash? What effect might a quick prayer or thought for them and their families have? How does it change the subsequent minutes/hours/days if I can feel grateful for my own safety and empathy for those who slowed out of concern or fear or curiosity or sadness? That shift might make all the difference.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
NOT PANICKING
Okay... things seemed bad when it seemed Bear Stearns was going to collapse and everyone helicoptered in to "rescue" the firm from financial ruin, but a run still happened and, of course, their stock took a beating.
Then a bank run on IndyMac created a huge panic for customers, investors, and the fed. (Apparently, the FDIC won't insure amounts above $100,000. Not necessarily an issue or concern for us at present, but definitely good to know.) So now we may be "re-entering" a recession. Funny... I didn't realize we had left it.
Today I heard the unemployment numbers for June are the lowest they've been since 1993... yes, 1993. And the May to June jump was the highest it's been since 1986. Yes... '86.
Andy informs me there hasn't been a run on any banks in America since the 1930s. So. All that rose-colored smoke that's been blown up everyone's butts for the past year or so... thankfully, it's been de-hued a bit. I really don't like being told everything is okay when it clearly is not, and I do feel we've heard the "everything is alright" message quite a bit.
But, rather than be angry or bitter or panicky or conspiracy-theory-ish, I will attempt instead to be proactive. Productive and hopeful, even.
So... let's see. Ten things I can do in the next two months in an attempt to work positively and constructively for myself and others amidst a difficult and troubling climate:
Then a bank run on IndyMac created a huge panic for customers, investors, and the fed. (Apparently, the FDIC won't insure amounts above $100,000. Not necessarily an issue or concern for us at present, but definitely good to know.) So now we may be "re-entering" a recession. Funny... I didn't realize we had left it.
Today I heard the unemployment numbers for June are the lowest they've been since 1993... yes, 1993. And the May to June jump was the highest it's been since 1986. Yes... '86.
Andy informs me there hasn't been a run on any banks in America since the 1930s. So. All that rose-colored smoke that's been blown up everyone's butts for the past year or so... thankfully, it's been de-hued a bit. I really don't like being told everything is okay when it clearly is not, and I do feel we've heard the "everything is alright" message quite a bit.
But, rather than be angry or bitter or panicky or conspiracy-theory-ish, I will attempt instead to be proactive. Productive and hopeful, even.
So... let's see. Ten things I can do in the next two months in an attempt to work positively and constructively for myself and others amidst a difficult and troubling climate:
- Start a garden. Even better... try to collaborate with our local Boys & Girls Club down the street to see see if there's a way to establish a community garden that the kids can plan and maintain.
- Compost. This not only helps in terms of cutting down on the amount of trash we, as a family, generate, but will also come in quite handy if the garden does indeed become a reality.
- Stop eating out. It's the biggest money-suck Andy and I are guilty of. We get up at 5:30am most mornings and hit the ground running. By the end of the day, we're both eager to let someone else do the cooking. But I think saving money right now is a good idea. (Every little bit helps.)
- Use less air conditioning; think about alternative heating ideas for the winter. The thermostat is currently set to 76. I just moved it to 78. (Again, they say every little bit helps.)
- Check into insulation options for the house. It's old and leaks heat and cooling like a sieve with a very large hole in it. Even constructing some internal storm windows for winter will be a big help.
- Follow the budget. This is related to #2, but goes more toward changing our mindsets from spendy to thrifty... just in case that extra cash is need later on (like when gas is $5.25 and I'm driving to Murphysboro everyday!).
- See what we can donate to local shelters and community resources. We have lots of stuff we don't need that might be of use to others. If someone else is able to use what we have without buying something new, we've helped them save some money too - without creating more waste.
- Drive less. We live close to a lot of things (including a grocery store) that are within easy walking distance, and we could also bike to our farmers' market each week. Not only does it help the pocketbooks, it also helps the enviro too. Win-win.
- See if I can create or consult with someone to offer a program during my internship next semester... something aimed at high school students or even their parents. Teaching kids about mortgages, credit cards, investment options, and tips for saving money and energy at home might be helpful info or at least come in handy one day.
- Pray. Meditate. Stay positive. Envision a successful resolution to the current crisis and try to be actively involved in moving it from thought, to word, to action. (May sound silly to some of you, but I really do believe in the power of intention.)
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
NO SHU-GAH
Within this new health kick we've been following for about one week now, Andy and I have been biking everyday, I've been doing 20 minutes of Pilates each day (thank you, Melinda!), and we've been trying to eat more healthy foods... eliminating sugars, avoiding chemicals and things that don't sound familiar (or pronouncable), and trying not to overcook and lose our nutrients.
It's been a tricky road at times... old food habits can be very difficult to break, but we're making small changes steadily, taking our little baby steps in the midst of an attempt to transform some of our most ingrained routines.
Things that have helped: Michael Pollan (I know I've mentioned him before... but his books have really influenced the way Andy thinks and feels about food - it's a great way to begin to shift your philosophy about eating and sustenance); Heidi Swanson's 101 Cookbooks blog (FANTASTIC, healthy, easy, and gorgeous recipes that have led to many new and exciting meals); and our local Co-Op, farmers' market, and orchards (great food, good prices, and the extra benefit of knowing you are supporting your local growers/economy).
One really cool thing I've noticed: not eating sugar really has led to fewer cravings. I've been eliminating desserts, sweets, and other manner of sugary treats, which is supposed to mean that those intense, insane, mind-stirringly crazy sugar cravings I get are supposed to decline over time, thereby making denial of such unhealthy eats more possible.
And it's working! I was highly skeptical, having listened to the excited declarations of friends in the past who had similarly restricted their intake, but it really does seem to be working for me. Which is lovely. Of course, we'll see if this holds true as we approach a different phase of my cycle - but hey! Why not be optimistic, right?
It's been a tricky road at times... old food habits can be very difficult to break, but we're making small changes steadily, taking our little baby steps in the midst of an attempt to transform some of our most ingrained routines.
Things that have helped: Michael Pollan (I know I've mentioned him before... but his books have really influenced the way Andy thinks and feels about food - it's a great way to begin to shift your philosophy about eating and sustenance); Heidi Swanson's 101 Cookbooks blog (FANTASTIC, healthy, easy, and gorgeous recipes that have led to many new and exciting meals); and our local Co-Op, farmers' market, and orchards (great food, good prices, and the extra benefit of knowing you are supporting your local growers/economy).
One really cool thing I've noticed: not eating sugar really has led to fewer cravings. I've been eliminating desserts, sweets, and other manner of sugary treats, which is supposed to mean that those intense, insane, mind-stirringly crazy sugar cravings I get are supposed to decline over time, thereby making denial of such unhealthy eats more possible.
And it's working! I was highly skeptical, having listened to the excited declarations of friends in the past who had similarly restricted their intake, but it really does seem to be working for me. Which is lovely. Of course, we'll see if this holds true as we approach a different phase of my cycle - but hey! Why not be optimistic, right?
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Mantras for July
I am beautiful.
I am kind.
I am strong.
I am a good person.
I am a good mother.
I am going to figure it out.
I am going to be okay.
I am incredibly lucky.
I am incredibly blessed.
I am able to do more.
I am able to say no.
I am a positive force in the lives of others.
I am going to make a difference.
I am free.
I am open.
I am happy.
I am alive.
I am breathing.
I am here.
I am kind.
I am strong.
I am a good person.
I am a good mother.
I am going to figure it out.
I am going to be okay.
I am incredibly lucky.
I am incredibly blessed.
I am able to do more.
I am able to say no.
I am a positive force in the lives of others.
I am going to make a difference.
I am free.
I am open.
I am happy.
I am alive.
I am breathing.
I am here.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Oh to be bouncy!
I was watching Pixar shorts with Ari today and happened across one of my all-time favorites, Boundin'. It stands out to be because one of my instructors, Dr. Mieling, said it reminded her of our program coordinator, Karen Prichard, who was set to retire at the end of the spring semester.
I remember being struck by what a lovely thought that was... and what a great compliment she was giving in calling Dr. Prichard a "jackalope."
The concept of resilience seems of tantamount importance to me, and I find a connection with Eastern philosophy in the sense that in order to rebound, you have to let go of attachment to expectation and remember that the river in which you are standing is still moving... the moment of your disappointment or pain or shame, etc. is temporary and passes. The river keeps flowing, and the act of letting go and remaining in the now allows for pliancy.
I aspire to be a jackalope, though it is sometimes a seemingly impossible dream. And I highly value the few jackalopes I have in my life... great friends and family who remind me to keep moving, even in the darkest of times.
I remember being struck by what a lovely thought that was... and what a great compliment she was giving in calling Dr. Prichard a "jackalope."
The concept of resilience seems of tantamount importance to me, and I find a connection with Eastern philosophy in the sense that in order to rebound, you have to let go of attachment to expectation and remember that the river in which you are standing is still moving... the moment of your disappointment or pain or shame, etc. is temporary and passes. The river keeps flowing, and the act of letting go and remaining in the now allows for pliancy.
I aspire to be a jackalope, though it is sometimes a seemingly impossible dream. And I highly value the few jackalopes I have in my life... great friends and family who remind me to keep moving, even in the darkest of times.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Insignificant Intention
I severely injured a bird today - not on purpose... but it was definitely my fault, and it could have been avoided if I'd just been a little smarter about something.
Our Terminix man likes me to use these glue strips to catch the bugs we find around the house so that he can see them and know what they are (my guesses are unreliable and I think he wants to see if something I've deemed dangerous is indeed something to worry about).
So... the other day I caught a little beetle who looked like a potential cockroach while stranded on his back, and I set the glue strip on the porch because I didn't want to bring the bug inside. I figured I'd just leave it there until Larry's next visit.
Today I heard a flapping and squawking noise coming from the porch, and when I went out side to investigate, I saw a little cardinal stuck to the paper and frantically trying to free himself and fly away.
I didn't know what to do... I ran outside to the back and told Andy what was going on, thinking two heads and hands would be more successful than my one. I grabbed a towel in case we needed to handle him in order to remove the strip and went back onto the porch.
Unfortunately, as soon as I stepped out, he panicked more and his now desperate attempts to move or escape only made him more stuck. Just as I was about to throw the towel over him in the hopes of calming him down, he freed himself - minus several feathers and looking extremely hurt.
He tried to fly off, but could not... we couldn't tell if his wing was broken or just injured... or if he'd lost too many feathers during his most frantic moments. He was finally able to sort of hop/fly off the porch and into the neighbors yard, and then he quickly disappeared out of sight.
Andy tried to follow him as I went inside and cried, but he couldn't locate him.
What makes this all even more upsetting is that I think he's the father of the little family living on our porch. I went out to water the plants this afternoon, and the mother bird angrily chirped at me for a good minute or two before flying off. I remember seeing a little cardinal near the nest, and I think one would often perch on the cedar tree right near that corner... but he was missing tonight.
I am still trying to think of something I can do to help the little family or ensure he comes to no harm while he's healing. If you have any thoughts, please let me know.
Our Terminix man likes me to use these glue strips to catch the bugs we find around the house so that he can see them and know what they are (my guesses are unreliable and I think he wants to see if something I've deemed dangerous is indeed something to worry about).
So... the other day I caught a little beetle who looked like a potential cockroach while stranded on his back, and I set the glue strip on the porch because I didn't want to bring the bug inside. I figured I'd just leave it there until Larry's next visit.
Today I heard a flapping and squawking noise coming from the porch, and when I went out side to investigate, I saw a little cardinal stuck to the paper and frantically trying to free himself and fly away.
I didn't know what to do... I ran outside to the back and told Andy what was going on, thinking two heads and hands would be more successful than my one. I grabbed a towel in case we needed to handle him in order to remove the strip and went back onto the porch.
Unfortunately, as soon as I stepped out, he panicked more and his now desperate attempts to move or escape only made him more stuck. Just as I was about to throw the towel over him in the hopes of calming him down, he freed himself - minus several feathers and looking extremely hurt.
He tried to fly off, but could not... we couldn't tell if his wing was broken or just injured... or if he'd lost too many feathers during his most frantic moments. He was finally able to sort of hop/fly off the porch and into the neighbors yard, and then he quickly disappeared out of sight.
Andy tried to follow him as I went inside and cried, but he couldn't locate him.
What makes this all even more upsetting is that I think he's the father of the little family living on our porch. I went out to water the plants this afternoon, and the mother bird angrily chirped at me for a good minute or two before flying off. I remember seeing a little cardinal near the nest, and I think one would often perch on the cedar tree right near that corner... but he was missing tonight.
I am still trying to think of something I can do to help the little family or ensure he comes to no harm while he's healing. If you have any thoughts, please let me know.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
about 5 years, 3 months, and 23 days
I met someone last night who is recently back from being stationed in Fallujah for 10 months. He was talking about how difficult it has been to adjust, and it made me think about how difficult the transition between military and civilian life must be in the midst of combat operations.
Physical, psychological, and emotional necessities in wartime can be at odds with the societal expectations and cultural norms faced upon returning home. Not to mention that - with any war or military action - not everyone supports being involved. And so to face anger or frustration, confusion or denial, or any range of emotions in response to one's efforts and values must be terribly difficult.
I do not support the war in Iraq. I have not from the very first stirrings of WMDs and talk of bringing democracy to the Middle East (which happened surprisingly early). I wish we were out, and I still feel anger at the decisions made by this particular administration that I believe have left us more vulnerable both domestically and internationally.
BUT, I support with all of my heart the many people who have chosen to serve in the military and have been posted in Iraq (and Afghanistan) because they believe in what they are doing and feel it is the right thing to do.
Although it's hard to know which stats to trust, the estimated number of soldiers killed since the war began in 2003 is 4118, 3355 of whom were killed in combat. The estimated casualties for Iraqi soldiers and civilians is even higher. For someone who does not support this action, those numbers are numbing, painful, and heartbreaking.
Meanwhile, those who come back are facing inadequate care, very little help in way of transitioning back into civilian life, and the difficult emotional turmoil of a country who is not unanimously committed to the fight.
I didn't say thank you to this young man last night, and I probably should have. I sometimes feel there is no way to adequately convey my gratitude to someone who has chosen to do something with which I strongly disagree, but which I honor and respect deeply.
It would be nice to live in a Utopian world where wars never occurred and soldiers were not necessary... but it seems that is a long way off. Until then, I will continue to petition Congress, try to stay informed, strive to react and interact with compassion and respect, and remember to express my gratitude to those who choose to serve while praying for the safety of all involved, as well as peace for all those affected.
Physical, psychological, and emotional necessities in wartime can be at odds with the societal expectations and cultural norms faced upon returning home. Not to mention that - with any war or military action - not everyone supports being involved. And so to face anger or frustration, confusion or denial, or any range of emotions in response to one's efforts and values must be terribly difficult.
I do not support the war in Iraq. I have not from the very first stirrings of WMDs and talk of bringing democracy to the Middle East (which happened surprisingly early). I wish we were out, and I still feel anger at the decisions made by this particular administration that I believe have left us more vulnerable both domestically and internationally.
BUT, I support with all of my heart the many people who have chosen to serve in the military and have been posted in Iraq (and Afghanistan) because they believe in what they are doing and feel it is the right thing to do.
Although it's hard to know which stats to trust, the estimated number of soldiers killed since the war began in 2003 is 4118, 3355 of whom were killed in combat. The estimated casualties for Iraqi soldiers and civilians is even higher. For someone who does not support this action, those numbers are numbing, painful, and heartbreaking.
Meanwhile, those who come back are facing inadequate care, very little help in way of transitioning back into civilian life, and the difficult emotional turmoil of a country who is not unanimously committed to the fight.
I didn't say thank you to this young man last night, and I probably should have. I sometimes feel there is no way to adequately convey my gratitude to someone who has chosen to do something with which I strongly disagree, but which I honor and respect deeply.
It would be nice to live in a Utopian world where wars never occurred and soldiers were not necessary... but it seems that is a long way off. Until then, I will continue to petition Congress, try to stay informed, strive to react and interact with compassion and respect, and remember to express my gratitude to those who choose to serve while praying for the safety of all involved, as well as peace for all those affected.
Friday, July 11, 2008
The Missed Day (and the wonders of post-dating)
I forgot to post yesterday, or rather I remembered at about 11 o'clock at night that I had forgotten to post and was too tired to get up and go downstairs to write since I had gotten up at 5 o'clock in the morning and was feeling rather exhausted.
Thus, I am attempting to post-date my post in order to create a virtual placemarker for the missed day in order to talk about the sorrow I feel at becoming so busy and taken up with life that I forgot to post, even though I knew exactly what I wanted to write about.
I sometimes wonder if the extreme amount of stress we feel right now will lessen when I am no longer in grad school and/or when Ari is no longer a toddler. It's hard to say, and there are certainly other factors at work... but sometimes I worry that this is it - and Andy and I had better figure it out quick so that we don't continue to live miserable, busy, stuffed-too-full lives that feel overwhelming and exhausting and painful at times.
Which is not to say there is no joy. Of course, there always is. We have wonderful days and amazing beauties and great joys. But I really hope things slow down some time. Or, if they are not going to and that is an unrealistic expectation, that I better learn how to live more simply and directly - that I become able to feel even more joy and breathe a little easier.
Oh. And not forget things!
Thus, I am attempting to post-date my post in order to create a virtual placemarker for the missed day in order to talk about the sorrow I feel at becoming so busy and taken up with life that I forgot to post, even though I knew exactly what I wanted to write about.
I sometimes wonder if the extreme amount of stress we feel right now will lessen when I am no longer in grad school and/or when Ari is no longer a toddler. It's hard to say, and there are certainly other factors at work... but sometimes I worry that this is it - and Andy and I had better figure it out quick so that we don't continue to live miserable, busy, stuffed-too-full lives that feel overwhelming and exhausting and painful at times.
Which is not to say there is no joy. Of course, there always is. We have wonderful days and amazing beauties and great joys. But I really hope things slow down some time. Or, if they are not going to and that is an unrealistic expectation, that I better learn how to live more simply and directly - that I become able to feel even more joy and breathe a little easier.
Oh. And not forget things!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Ten Things I Like About Hermit Crabs:
They are hypoallergenic.
Their little feet leave footprints in the sand, so their habitat becomes a little zen sand garden.
They all have distinct personalities.
They are stronger than they look.
You can pick out shells in all shapes, colors, and sizes, which is fun.
They love to climb.
Their little eyes are cute when they first poke out from under their shells.
Creating their habitat is kind of like playing in a little mini sandbox that doubles as a crab dollhouse.
They can eat fresh fruits and vegetables.
They make me happy.
Their little feet leave footprints in the sand, so their habitat becomes a little zen sand garden.
They all have distinct personalities.
They are stronger than they look.
You can pick out shells in all shapes, colors, and sizes, which is fun.
They love to climb.
Their little eyes are cute when they first poke out from under their shells.
Creating their habitat is kind of like playing in a little mini sandbox that doubles as a crab dollhouse.
They can eat fresh fruits and vegetables.
They make me happy.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Four little birds (by our doorstep)...
We have a little family of robins living on our front porch. They were incredibly persistent about building the nest and won out when we went to Chicago for a weekend. We returned home from our trip to find them settled in and well established, so we decided to just cross our fingers and hope for a pleasant and symbiotic relationship.
Two wee babies appeared a few days ago, and we've been lucky enough to see two teeny tiny faces atop thin, long necks craning out above the rim with eager, wide open beaks in search of food. Typically, mama is either off in search of goodies or has flown away in fear of us. So we try to make our business quick and peek out from the living room window in order to watch the new babies eat.
I am grateful they chose to nest at our home. I am even more grateful they've chosen to live peacefully with us, rather than dive-bombing us our Ari in an attempt to keep their newborns safe. Perhaps they understand how much we respect them, and they see we have our own young to protect as they struggle to watch over their own.
Two wee babies appeared a few days ago, and we've been lucky enough to see two teeny tiny faces atop thin, long necks craning out above the rim with eager, wide open beaks in search of food. Typically, mama is either off in search of goodies or has flown away in fear of us. So we try to make our business quick and peek out from the living room window in order to watch the new babies eat.
I am grateful they chose to nest at our home. I am even more grateful they've chosen to live peacefully with us, rather than dive-bombing us our Ari in an attempt to keep their newborns safe. Perhaps they understand how much we respect them, and they see we have our own young to protect as they struggle to watch over their own.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Energy
I've written before about my emerging and increasing belief that to honor one another, ourselves, our descendants, and the planet, we must find ways to live more responsibly and create a life path that is less harmful to the people, places, and things around us.
One such area for improvement in our lives (Andy's, Ari's, and mine) is energy consumption. Some improvements are easy, no matter how busy or financially strapped we may be (changing lightbulbs, using less water, recycling, biking or walking more, turning off lights and other electrical energy suckers, etc.); however, some things will have to wait (solar panels, turbines, etc.).
And just when I was feeling down about the focus of the current administration on foreign oil and the ridiculously high prices at the pump, I heard a story this morning about an old oilman who has decided he wants to make wind power his legacy.
T. Boone Pickens has invested in oil for many, many years and has decided it's a dead end street (I'm paraphrasing). He feels remaining dependent on foreign sources of oil for energy consumption is ultimately not helping our country, and he has proposed spending billions of dollars investing in wind energy in Texas. Yup, Texas.
Apparently, North Dakota has enough land and enough wind to generate enough electricity to power homes in all of the United States (this seems like an inflated statements, perhaps, but this was something he said during the interview)... and his plan for Texas would generate enough electricity for over 1 million homes, which is a nice big dent if you ask me.
He also suggests using natural gas resources to power most of our transportation needs (though I would still love to see development of solar cars, electric cars, and hybrids everyone can afford). But wind is the way, according to Pickens. Which is pretty darn cool because it seems so very silly it's taken us this long to utilize natural weather patterns to serve our consumption needs.
So... a bit of inspiration for you sustainability and green junkies out there. If just a few more powerful moguls get on board for this kind of thing, we could actually be able to enjoy some innovative new resources that make life more affordable and more mindful (dare I say ethical?) as we go about our daily business.
And... in a related story, Philippe Starck, a French designer, has created a windmill the neighbors won't scoff at (though truly, why in the world would it matter to you what your windmill looked like?). I figure, if it gets more people buying them, especially owners of larger, more expensive homes who tend to use more energy, then I'm all for it!
At only $630 a pop, we might even consider buying one (though we'd probably only be on the 20% end if we stuck it in our current backyard). We shall see... that's definitely one of those "later" type changes.
One such area for improvement in our lives (Andy's, Ari's, and mine) is energy consumption. Some improvements are easy, no matter how busy or financially strapped we may be (changing lightbulbs, using less water, recycling, biking or walking more, turning off lights and other electrical energy suckers, etc.); however, some things will have to wait (solar panels, turbines, etc.).
And just when I was feeling down about the focus of the current administration on foreign oil and the ridiculously high prices at the pump, I heard a story this morning about an old oilman who has decided he wants to make wind power his legacy.
T. Boone Pickens has invested in oil for many, many years and has decided it's a dead end street (I'm paraphrasing). He feels remaining dependent on foreign sources of oil for energy consumption is ultimately not helping our country, and he has proposed spending billions of dollars investing in wind energy in Texas. Yup, Texas.
Apparently, North Dakota has enough land and enough wind to generate enough electricity to power homes in all of the United States (this seems like an inflated statements, perhaps, but this was something he said during the interview)... and his plan for Texas would generate enough electricity for over 1 million homes, which is a nice big dent if you ask me.
He also suggests using natural gas resources to power most of our transportation needs (though I would still love to see development of solar cars, electric cars, and hybrids everyone can afford). But wind is the way, according to Pickens. Which is pretty darn cool because it seems so very silly it's taken us this long to utilize natural weather patterns to serve our consumption needs.
So... a bit of inspiration for you sustainability and green junkies out there. If just a few more powerful moguls get on board for this kind of thing, we could actually be able to enjoy some innovative new resources that make life more affordable and more mindful (dare I say ethical?) as we go about our daily business.
And... in a related story, Philippe Starck, a French designer, has created a windmill the neighbors won't scoff at (though truly, why in the world would it matter to you what your windmill looked like?). I figure, if it gets more people buying them, especially owners of larger, more expensive homes who tend to use more energy, then I'm all for it!
At only $630 a pop, we might even consider buying one (though we'd probably only be on the 20% end if we stuck it in our current backyard). We shall see... that's definitely one of those "later" type changes.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Exercise
In this new phase of seeking to live more intentionally and fully, Andy and I have decided to increase our exercise and to start trying to find ways we can incorporate exercise and physical activity as a family.
Step 1: Buy a seat for the back of Andy's bike.
Step 2: Make sure everyone has a helmet.
Step 3: Get going!
Tonight we rode around our neighborhood and over by the Fellowship, and tomorrow we plan to institute a new morning routine wherein neither of us sleeps in, but we exercise together instead. This will be in addition to the Windsor Pilates exercises my friend Melinda showed me and that I've been trying to do each morning (despite excited interference from Ariana and Simon!).
There is nothing quite so wonderful as feeling the ache of muscles long dormant... that painful, bright, sharp sense of pushing your body to grow stronger. With it's trickling but steady return to my life, I feel more hopeful, stronger, and more alive - and a great sense of gratitude that such activity is possible.
Step 1: Buy a seat for the back of Andy's bike.
Step 2: Make sure everyone has a helmet.
Step 3: Get going!
Tonight we rode around our neighborhood and over by the Fellowship, and tomorrow we plan to institute a new morning routine wherein neither of us sleeps in, but we exercise together instead. This will be in addition to the Windsor Pilates exercises my friend Melinda showed me and that I've been trying to do each morning (despite excited interference from Ariana and Simon!).
There is nothing quite so wonderful as feeling the ache of muscles long dormant... that painful, bright, sharp sense of pushing your body to grow stronger. With it's trickling but steady return to my life, I feel more hopeful, stronger, and more alive - and a great sense of gratitude that such activity is possible.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Food
I had a thought earlier today which may be lost forever - at least in its articulate, understandable form - but it had something to do with identifying major areas within my life and the life of my family that could be improved through intentional and constructive change.
The first area I thought of was food.
Andy has been reading some of Michael Pollan's books (In Defense of Food and The Omnivore's Dilemma) lately and it has changed the way he thinks about food. In the meantime, I've become increasingly aware of how my body is reacting to certain things I've been eating... and it's felt very similar to the process of working toward quitting smoking - namely, I just don't feel well when I eat certain things.
I may crave them and desperately want to eat them, but I've noticed through a sort of intentional mindfulness that I tend to feel rather awful after I've consumed said chocolate, packaged food, junk food, fast food, restaurant food, etc.
On top of that, there is the issue of the extra weight I'd still like to take off and Andy's frustration over some steadily rising numbers on the scale as well. So here we are, in our mid-30s, feeling out of shape, overweight, and generally dissatisfied with the way we eat.
Today Krista Tippett interviewed Barbara Kingsolver on Speaking of Faith. The interview focused on Kingsolver's latest book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life. I didn't get to hear the whole thing, but it seemed to connect in a synchronistic fashion to the conversations Andy and I have had about intentional communities, homesteading, gardening, eating better, and committing to buying and consuming locally in order to eat more fresh foods and ground-to-plate meals.
Food is such a complex thing for most of us. Whether we love it or hate it, feel to thin or too fat or just right, are gourmands or diner-hounds or live in ramen noodles and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese... food is an ever-present, expensive, and vital component of our lives.
To see food as an ethical, moral, or mindful choice seems to move it from an automatic activity to an intentional one... to carefully consider everything we put into our bodies requires attention, action, and patience. And if we really are to tackle some of the larger issues that seem to hold our country back from ever-greater achievement and efficiency within the scope of food consumption and production, it seems being aware of how, what, when, why, and where we eat is a necessary and beneficial first step.
The first area I thought of was food.
Andy has been reading some of Michael Pollan's books (In Defense of Food and The Omnivore's Dilemma) lately and it has changed the way he thinks about food. In the meantime, I've become increasingly aware of how my body is reacting to certain things I've been eating... and it's felt very similar to the process of working toward quitting smoking - namely, I just don't feel well when I eat certain things.
I may crave them and desperately want to eat them, but I've noticed through a sort of intentional mindfulness that I tend to feel rather awful after I've consumed said chocolate, packaged food, junk food, fast food, restaurant food, etc.
On top of that, there is the issue of the extra weight I'd still like to take off and Andy's frustration over some steadily rising numbers on the scale as well. So here we are, in our mid-30s, feeling out of shape, overweight, and generally dissatisfied with the way we eat.
Today Krista Tippett interviewed Barbara Kingsolver on Speaking of Faith. The interview focused on Kingsolver's latest book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life. I didn't get to hear the whole thing, but it seemed to connect in a synchronistic fashion to the conversations Andy and I have had about intentional communities, homesteading, gardening, eating better, and committing to buying and consuming locally in order to eat more fresh foods and ground-to-plate meals.
Food is such a complex thing for most of us. Whether we love it or hate it, feel to thin or too fat or just right, are gourmands or diner-hounds or live in ramen noodles and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese... food is an ever-present, expensive, and vital component of our lives.
To see food as an ethical, moral, or mindful choice seems to move it from an automatic activity to an intentional one... to carefully consider everything we put into our bodies requires attention, action, and patience. And if we really are to tackle some of the larger issues that seem to hold our country back from ever-greater achievement and efficiency within the scope of food consumption and production, it seems being aware of how, what, when, why, and where we eat is a necessary and beneficial first step.
Fear and Change in DQ Country
"Yay, we made it to the Dairy Queen and back without being mugged" is a phrase that carries a mixed emotion. It's not necessarily the type of thing you want to be thinking and feeling in the place you live - particularly when you have a small child and several night classes per semester.
I'm not sure if it's the result of getting older, or becoming a mother, or feeling a bit out of sorts and disconnected after two eye surgeries... but I have noticed an increase in anxiety and concern when it comes to my safety and the safety of my family.
Mind you, it does not help to live in a town with crime stats as high as the major city we once lived in. But I do think that safety, like so much else in life, has to do - at least in part - with one's perspective and mindset.
NPR was doing some strange little story on Anthony Perkins, the actor who played Norman Bates in Psycho, and in conjunction with the story, they interviewed someone who believes that people can sometimes take on the characteristics of loved ones who have died as a way of processing grief.
My grandmother was one of the most fearful women I've known. She was convinced the world around her was dangerous and violent, and I remember her nightly ritual of checking and rechecking each door in the house to make sure it was locked before she went to bed.
I go through the same ritual myself now... and notice some of the same tendencies toward hiding away from the world around us in an effort to stay safe. So... when the college kid who lives two doors down goes peeling around the street at 2am in a car with a tampered muffler, rather than being the first one out the door to tell them to be conscious of their neighbors, I tell Andy to stop flashing the lights because who knows what they might do in retribution.
Much of this current time in my life feels strange and so far removed from the concept I once had of myself. The courageous, charismatic, sexy, playful, edgy, strong, fearless self who emerged in my 20s and early 30s has been replaced by a quiet, careful, uncomfortable, fearful and often unhappy woman who feels somewhat foreign to me.
Whether it's grief or no, whether it has to do with location or perception, I simply know this is not a good place to be. Luckily, I believe wholeheartedly in the possibility of change and the flexibility of life... and so the visualization of a better future - the first step toward evolving the outcome - has already begun.
I'm not sure if it's the result of getting older, or becoming a mother, or feeling a bit out of sorts and disconnected after two eye surgeries... but I have noticed an increase in anxiety and concern when it comes to my safety and the safety of my family.
Mind you, it does not help to live in a town with crime stats as high as the major city we once lived in. But I do think that safety, like so much else in life, has to do - at least in part - with one's perspective and mindset.
NPR was doing some strange little story on Anthony Perkins, the actor who played Norman Bates in Psycho, and in conjunction with the story, they interviewed someone who believes that people can sometimes take on the characteristics of loved ones who have died as a way of processing grief.
My grandmother was one of the most fearful women I've known. She was convinced the world around her was dangerous and violent, and I remember her nightly ritual of checking and rechecking each door in the house to make sure it was locked before she went to bed.
I go through the same ritual myself now... and notice some of the same tendencies toward hiding away from the world around us in an effort to stay safe. So... when the college kid who lives two doors down goes peeling around the street at 2am in a car with a tampered muffler, rather than being the first one out the door to tell them to be conscious of their neighbors, I tell Andy to stop flashing the lights because who knows what they might do in retribution.
Much of this current time in my life feels strange and so far removed from the concept I once had of myself. The courageous, charismatic, sexy, playful, edgy, strong, fearless self who emerged in my 20s and early 30s has been replaced by a quiet, careful, uncomfortable, fearful and often unhappy woman who feels somewhat foreign to me.
Whether it's grief or no, whether it has to do with location or perception, I simply know this is not a good place to be. Luckily, I believe wholeheartedly in the possibility of change and the flexibility of life... and so the visualization of a better future - the first step toward evolving the outcome - has already begun.
Friday, July 4, 2008
The Dark Ghost
You see old photos of women past
and there is longing in their eyes,
a downward turn of mouth and face
that looks hauntingly familiar.
Stories of institutionalization and
years spent dreaming of self-fashioned
bars loosed through the power of screaming.
You wonder what genetic gifts will be yours.
Sometimes it feels like a heavy snake,
a wreath of smoke, or a crushing hand.
Sometimes like a shadow stole thrown
over your shoulders, pressing into your frame.
And then the idea that maybe fighting
is not necessary. Maybe "solving" is not
the answer. Instead... perhaps it is
meant to sit within; a natural piece of self.
Whatever it may be... to stand in the stream,
to cross the stream, to leave the stream entirely
in order to ensure you will not drown.
You know the water is there.
One stares through you, distant woman with eyes of anger.
One does not know you, rocking and quiet in prayerful silence.
One stays with you, following close attached to your heart.
One remains, seeking the path of her own redemption.
The dark ghost can see you,
can sing and scream in lonely nights
and laugh behind your skin in mirrors.
And maybe, just maybe, to embrace it
would be better than to run.
and there is longing in their eyes,
a downward turn of mouth and face
that looks hauntingly familiar.
Stories of institutionalization and
years spent dreaming of self-fashioned
bars loosed through the power of screaming.
You wonder what genetic gifts will be yours.
Sometimes it feels like a heavy snake,
a wreath of smoke, or a crushing hand.
Sometimes like a shadow stole thrown
over your shoulders, pressing into your frame.
And then the idea that maybe fighting
is not necessary. Maybe "solving" is not
the answer. Instead... perhaps it is
meant to sit within; a natural piece of self.
Whatever it may be... to stand in the stream,
to cross the stream, to leave the stream entirely
in order to ensure you will not drown.
You know the water is there.
One stares through you, distant woman with eyes of anger.
One does not know you, rocking and quiet in prayerful silence.
One stays with you, following close attached to your heart.
One remains, seeking the path of her own redemption.
The dark ghost can see you,
can sing and scream in lonely nights
and laugh behind your skin in mirrors.
And maybe, just maybe, to embrace it
would be better than to run.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Far Away Up Close
Two stories hit me yesterday on NPR, and unfortunately I did not feel able to write about them yesterday by the time Ari was asleep and my day as mommy had ended.
I think both struck me as stories of disconnection or disassociation. The first was about the young boy, Zakria Ebrahimi, who starred in The Kite Runner. Apparently, he and his family are encountering threats, violence, ostracization, and discrimination as the film becomes more widely distributed in their homeland.
Although the young man was originally relocated to the UAE for his safety upon release of the film, he missed his family back in Afghanistan and returned home. His family is now seeking assistance from Paramount Pictures to relocate to a new area... and the company feels it is no longer possible to help the family in any additional way.
So here is a young man who is essentially an exile in his own homeland - all for the sake of art and filmmaking. Can a 12 year-old be expected to be courageous in this way? It's one thing to ask such sacrifice of an adult or to allow a professional artist to make his or her own choices and to accept societal, ethical, or legal consequences as the world responds to a particular statement or work.
But when it's a child, the issues of responsibility, consent, and comprehension and acceptance of all ramifications becomes quite muddy. What is the age at which you can willingly give your life, your consent, your freedom away if you so choose? Are there age limits on such things?
The second story was a different sort of exile - that of the hostages held captive in Columbia for for over five years. Their homecoming likely will be a mix of complex emotions and challenging situations as they seek to re-enter lives inevitably different from how they left them.
Both of these stories have led me to think about how so many events in our human experience - particularly the momentous, defining ones - contain a dichotomous element of joy and sorrow.
Many of our failures and challenges can be viewed as opportunities and beauties, while some of the greatest joys of our life can be the most difficult aspects of our living.
It has reminded me how powerful perspective can be, and how - even in the midst of events that feel overwhelming or within which we feel powerless - we always have the ability to adapt and evolve our ways of understanding those circumstances.
I think both struck me as stories of disconnection or disassociation. The first was about the young boy, Zakria Ebrahimi, who starred in The Kite Runner. Apparently, he and his family are encountering threats, violence, ostracization, and discrimination as the film becomes more widely distributed in their homeland.
Although the young man was originally relocated to the UAE for his safety upon release of the film, he missed his family back in Afghanistan and returned home. His family is now seeking assistance from Paramount Pictures to relocate to a new area... and the company feels it is no longer possible to help the family in any additional way.
So here is a young man who is essentially an exile in his own homeland - all for the sake of art and filmmaking. Can a 12 year-old be expected to be courageous in this way? It's one thing to ask such sacrifice of an adult or to allow a professional artist to make his or her own choices and to accept societal, ethical, or legal consequences as the world responds to a particular statement or work.
But when it's a child, the issues of responsibility, consent, and comprehension and acceptance of all ramifications becomes quite muddy. What is the age at which you can willingly give your life, your consent, your freedom away if you so choose? Are there age limits on such things?
The second story was a different sort of exile - that of the hostages held captive in Columbia for for over five years. Their homecoming likely will be a mix of complex emotions and challenging situations as they seek to re-enter lives inevitably different from how they left them.
Both of these stories have led me to think about how so many events in our human experience - particularly the momentous, defining ones - contain a dichotomous element of joy and sorrow.
Many of our failures and challenges can be viewed as opportunities and beauties, while some of the greatest joys of our life can be the most difficult aspects of our living.
It has reminded me how powerful perspective can be, and how - even in the midst of events that feel overwhelming or within which we feel powerless - we always have the ability to adapt and evolve our ways of understanding those circumstances.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
How to Utilize Repetition and Potty Humor for Hours of Fun
Sniff the bed as if you are a doggy... keep sniffing until you have located something, then howl and point to a spot on the bed (as if you are a hunting dog).
Point and howl until Mommy or Daddy responds by eating what you have found. They will finish chewing their food and say, "What is that?"
Pause just long enough to let the tension build, and then say "POOP!" as loud as you can.
Howl with laughter. Repeat.
Point and howl until Mommy or Daddy responds by eating what you have found. They will finish chewing their food and say, "What is that?"
Pause just long enough to let the tension build, and then say "POOP!" as loud as you can.
Howl with laughter. Repeat.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Collectors of Culture
Morning Edition did a piece on a band from Quebec in honor of the city's 400-year anniversary this week. The band is called Le Vent du Nord, and they specialize in collecting and re-interpretting traditional Quebecois music in order to preserve their cultural history in the form of song.
I was particularly taken with how the fiddle music and traditional foot stomping combine to create a driving, pulsing, impossible-to-ignore rhythm that makes your heart pick up and your mouth start to edge upward.
It's beautiful music, throaty and soulful... and as a lover of history, oral traditions, and cultural continua, I found their mission quite inspiring and reassuring.
If you happen to follow the NPR link, I highly recommend listening to Le vieux cheval - it's an excellent example of what the group seems to do best. Magnifique!
I was particularly taken with how the fiddle music and traditional foot stomping combine to create a driving, pulsing, impossible-to-ignore rhythm that makes your heart pick up and your mouth start to edge upward.
It's beautiful music, throaty and soulful... and as a lover of history, oral traditions, and cultural continua, I found their mission quite inspiring and reassuring.
If you happen to follow the NPR link, I highly recommend listening to Le vieux cheval - it's an excellent example of what the group seems to do best. Magnifique!
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